


In Thirty Years, I'll Still Love You

by 51stcenturygirl



Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [6]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Domestic Bliss, Drama, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Kisses in the rain, M/M, Moving In Together, Old Flames, Richard's friends, Richards parents, Romance, Thomas Barrow is loved by many, Thomas can't cook but Richard can, Thomas cannot believe his luck, Thomas is determined to help out a friend, change, return of friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29227707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/51stcenturygirl/pseuds/51stcenturygirl
Summary: Things are changing for Thomas and Richard. Change has its ups and downs.Follows on from my previous story 'Close To You'Title inspired by 'Step With Me' by Mika
Relationships: Thomas Barrow & Chris Webster, Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Series: My future is our future and I will spend it with you [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077305
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Thomas took a sip of his cup of tea that sat on his desk. He had just taken a small break to read a letter that had arrived from Jimmy that morning. Thomas loved being in contact with him again. The tea and Jimmy's letter was welcome after a long morning. In fact the past few days had been particularly busy for him especially. He had the unusual task (these days anyway) of interviewing and hiring another footman and maid. Lady Mary had decided that despite moving towards a more 'modern way of running things' as she put it (or as Thomas put it 'a cheaper way of running things'), that they couldn't let their standards slip. This was a prime example of something that he had never done before in his life and something that he'd have to learn how to do correctly. Mrs Hughes, of course, was responsible for interviewing candidates for a new maid, but Thomas sat in on this, allowing him to get an idea of how to conduct an interview. He did know one thing though. In his life, especially during a period of several months in the late 20's, he had been to a great many interviews. He knows that he was turned down from several good positions due to some peoples unfair judgement about his 'character' or 'nature' as they like to put it, and he was not about to be so judgemental, about anything. For that reason, he decided to give the potential footmen the benefit of the doubt. He did not need to hire someone who was perfect, just someone who was motivated and good at learning from his mistakes, as that is what he, himself is still doing even now. In the end, he had decided on a lad called Stephen Pascoe. He was not the most confident out of the candidates but he had a calm personality that Thomas thought would suit him well, especially when things got a bit chaotic around here. He was due to start along with the new maid, Charlotte, the next day. He had already asked Andy if he would help show Stephen the ropes tomorrow. Although Andy primarily worked on the farm now, he still worked at the house when needed, and had been happy to help out.

A couple of hours later, Thomas was taking a quick break outside in the yard, as some things never change. The air was fresh with the scent of early Autumn rain, the sky overcast with white cloud, tinged with a grey haze, although the sun was still finding its way through the cloud still, so it wasn't dark. He hadn't had a letter from Richard in a week, although he was visiting his parents in York so Thomas wasn't expecting one. It had been around three and a half months since their summer picnic in the field and Thomas was missing Richard's touch. He leaned back against the wall, and closed his eyes and took himself back there in his mind for a moment. From outside of his mind though, he heard the sound of a bicycle on the gravel approaching then stopping. "Telegram for you Mr Barrow," the boy said, quickly handing Thomas the card, before jumping on his bike again. Thomas was about to open it, when he felt a few heavy drops of rain, and hence decided to open it inside instead. Thomas walked slowly into the servants hall, opening the envelope as he walked. Only Anna and Phyllis were in there, he looked up and smiled at them both in greeting before reading the telegram.

It read:

DEAREST T (STOP)

GOT NEWS (STOP)

WILL MEET YOU WHERE I LAST SAW YOU AT SUNSET TONIGHT IF CONVENIENT (STOP)

YOURS FOREVER

R E

"Any news?" Anna asked, in response to the look on Thomas' face.

"It seems so," Thomas said, failing to hide any sign of joy from his face, before turning and walking out the hall again.

"Richard?" Phyllis asked Anna.

"I reckon so. I expect Thomas will be out tonight."

...

Thomas pulled his overcoat around him a little, when he turned the corner onto the narrow lane, that would eventually end up at a farm, but would pass his meeting place with Richard. Thankfully the rain and clouds had pretty much cleared, with only a few threatening dark grey clouds in the distance that Thomas hoped would go the other way, as standing in a wet field in the pouring rain would not have been so idyllic as before. He had set off after their evening meal, giving dessert a miss, which caused Daisy to remark that his 'errand' must be extremely important if he was willing to miss out on apple crumble. Maybe it was habit, but he never told them where he was going or who he was seeing, even though he knew that they knew. He was happy to find that the gate to the top field was not tied shut with rope this time, so that he didn't have to climb over it and risk his coat getting dirty. The grass in the field was no longer green but a light brown colour, though just as long as before, resulting in little seeds clinging to Thomas's trousers, which was annoying as he'd have to brush them off later, though he was too distracted by who he was going to see to worry too much about that now. He rounded the corner of the next field and went to the exact place where he was with Richard before, just below the tree that had the bird's nest in it before, though now the chicks would have grown and fledged by now. He was early, or Richard was late. It was quiet, just as before. The only sounds being the fresh breeze blowing through the grass and the tree behind him, and the sounds of a few chattering sparrows. "You're early," Thomas heard Richard say as he approached.

"Perhaps, though maybe you are late," Thomas replied.

"When have I ever been late Thomas?" Richard said cheerily, before closing the gap between them and pulling Thomas into an embrace. Thomas snaked his arms around Richard's waist, underneath his coat, as they kissed.

"I've missed you," Thomas said as their foreheads rested against each other.

"Likewise," Richard said, before looking up as a stronger gust of wind, blew around them. Thomas shivered, maybe because of the wind or because of Richard, he wasn't sure. "Probably should have arranged to meet somewhere warmer. When I sent the telegram this morning it was fine."

"No this is nice, it's almost poetic," Thomas said, neither of them letting go of the other. "Picking up where we left off."

"Well I don't have food but I do have this," Richard said, holding up a bottle. "Cherry lemonade. My mother's recipe. Used to have it all the time as a boy, it was and still is a favourite. You can't buy it, least not to my knowledge. Made from the cherries that grow in the garden, and it is absolutely divine, trust me." They sat down, despite the grass being a bit damp from the rain, though it was not muddy.

"Mmm, that is good," Thomas said, before handing back the bottle to Richard. "I could drink more of that." Richard smiled and took out his handkerchief and wiped Thomas' chin.

"You had a bit of pink there," he said.

"Oh um, thanks," Thomas said. "You said you have news?"

"Yep," Richard said, pulling a letter out from his inner jacket pocket. "See for yourself."

Thomas took the letter and read it and gasped. "You quit?"

"Yes. Two weeks ago, that's why I've been at my parents place lately. Been busy going between here and London, getting a few things sorted and arranged. I didn't want to tell you until I knew it would work out for sure."

"Won't you miss London and your network of friends there?" Thomas knew Richard had many people that were like them both, whom he knew in London. Thomas had never known anything like that. It had always just been him.

"Admittedly I will a bit, but London is an easy enough place to visit and they have all been very supportive. Told me I should take this chance, because they don't come around that much," Richard said, enjoying the look of happy surprise on Thomas's face. "There's more," he said, pulling out a couple of keys from his front jacket pocket.

"What are they for?" Thomas asked, not feeling brave enough to believe what he was thinking.

"Keys to my place," Richard said. "In Downton village."

"You serious?" Thomas said, a small laugh of joy escaping whilst he said those words.

"Yes. I've bought a shop. There is a flat above it and a small garden behind. It will need a bit of work doing to it, hence why I am staying with my parents for the meantime, but it's mine," Richard said. "I'll only be a mile or so away."

"You're perfect!" Thomas said, "I don't know what to say."

Richard paused and seemed to take a deep breath, "Say yes."

"Yes to what?"

"That you will move in with me," Richard said.

Now Thomas was stunned to silence.  _ He did just say that right?  _ he asks himself.

"How?"

"Well the place has two bedrooms, so I thought officially you could be my lodger. I had to take out a small loan for the place, so no one would think anything of me renting the place out to help pay that loan off. It's the perfect cover. But unofficially, you will be with me, and we won't need the second bedroom."

"Richard I-" Thomas had lost the ability to speak, or think.

"Of course, you wouldn't really have to pay me anything. You'd be my partner, unofficially," Richard said, sounding rather nervous.

"Yes," Thomas said quickly, "It's perfect Richard. I love you." They kissed again, a few drops of rain started to fall, which neither of them noticed at first, though they became hard to ignore when the rain got heavier.

"Typical," Richard said, looking up and laughing.

Thomas stood up, and offered his hand to Richard. "Come on," he said, leading him towards the base of the tree that had its trunk growing out of the hedge.

"How much of a loan are you talking about exactly?" Thomas asked.

"Only a small one. I had savings and a few gifts from here and there," Richard answered, finding his back against the trunk of the tree, Thomas in front of him.

"I don't mind contributing a bit, part of being partners is sharing any burdens, so I will be glad to."

"You don't have to."

"Richard. I will and that's the end of it." Richard laughed a bit, enjoying the determination in Thomas's voice. "What about the shop?" Thomas was pressed up even closer to Richard now, their faces only a few inches apart, the rain from outside of the tree canopy coming down with some considerable force, the heaviest drops leaking through the leaves above them.

"I was thinking about a book shop. I reckon I could do that. I've already made enquiries," Richard said.

"I love it," Thomas said, before they kissed again. Thomas having one hand on Richard's hip the other on the tree trunk above Richard's head. Richard closed his eyes as they kissed, one hand against the back of Thomas' head, the other up underneath his overcoat, feeling the contrast of warmth from Thomas's back against the coolness of the rain. With each heated kiss the rain outside became more and more distant. Thomas felt like this was a dream, but every touch reminded him that this was indeed, very real.

...

It was approaching ten o'clock in the evening according to the clock on the mantelpiece in the servants hall, when Phyllis finally heard the latch on the back door click followed by Thomas's footsteps. She heard him take off his coat and shake off the worst of the rain. "You're still up?" Thomas asked, coming into the servants hall, face still dripping from the rain, but otherwise beaming.

"Just making sure you got back okay," she said. "Have a nice time? How's Richard?"

"Yes, brilliant, and he's great, perfect," Thomas said, still grinning. Obviously Phyllis knew that Thomas enjoys his time with Richard, but he is never like this. He usually says something vague like 'he's fine' or 'it was nice', which leaves her wondering if something has happened to make things different this time. She knows better than to ask Thomas too many questions, he is a private man and doesn't like too much fuss. Whatever it is, she will probably find out in time.

"You'd better go dry yourself off," She said.

"Yes. And thanks for looking out for me," Thomas said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mr Barrow.”


	2. 2

Thomas woke the next morning with the feeling that everything that happened and everything that he was told yesterday had been part of some sort of heavenly dream. It still hadn't really sunk in that Richard and himself would be living together. He'd only ever had dreams about this sort of thing before, but never wanted to dwell on them too much, and he certainly never wanted to hope, as hope could be cruel sometimes. In most of his life hope had only ever been the keeper of the gateway to disappointment, or worse. But now, hope was a beacon and the reality of all this was driving his mind crazy. Richard had said that the place he's bought will need doing up a bit. Thomas lay there thinking, his mind wondering.  _ What colour walls should we have? What about wallpaper? No, paint is better. We will need a ladder for that. I expect we could borrow one from here. We will need furniture-how much money does Richard have? How much do I have? _ Thomas turned over and sighed happily.  _ Wonder which way the window to our bedroom will face? I hope East- Richard looks lovely bathed in morning sunlight. _

Later on, just before their lunch in the early afternoon, Thomas was feeling peckish. He should wait really. It sets a bit of a bad example to the staff and especially the new maid and footman, that started today, if the butler is seen helping himself to the tray of freshly baked chocolate brownies that have been left to cool on the kitchen table. Even though they had only been working there a few hours, he was pleased with the two people he had chosen for the new positions. The maid, Charlotte, can talk forever it seems, and seemed to fit right in. Her role also involves helping in the kitchen a bit, as she had mentioned that she can cook well and they often need an extra pair of hands in the kitchen. Stephen seemed a bit more reserved or nervous, but was picking up things well according to Andy, whom he had been shadowing for the morning. Thomas had decided to keep him below stairs for the first day, to help him get used to things, and he could serve alongside Andy for the next few days, should things go well. He had made a few mistakes whilst polishing the silver, but Thomas didn't mind. He could still remember his first day, and the disasters that came with it, but he learnt from his mistakes, and he was sure Stephen would too.

Thomas couldn't suppress his stomach from growling with hunger. The smell of the brownies wasn't helping. He wandered into the kitchen, his presence not really noticed since everything was very busy in there. He leaned against the doorframe, Mrs Patmore had her back to him, stirring something over the stove, Charlotte was mixing something in a bowl with the electric mixer that she seemed to get the hang of instantly. He was wondering if he could nick one of the brownies on the edge, just one of the small ones, before Mrs Patmore turned around to see him. He felt like a boy again, hoping to avoid any mischief. He casually walked over to the table, and pretended not to notice as his hand happened to grab one of the brownies from the cooling rack. He popped it whole into his mouth.  _ Mmm, yes that was worth it,  _ he thought. His move wasn't unnoticed completely though. Charlotte looked up from her mixing across the table and saw him just finish his mouthful. She smiled as he put his finger to his lips and looked across towards Mrs Patmore who was still unaware of his theft of the brownies, before leaving the room. The taste of chocolate in his mouth caused another thought about Richard to cross his mind.  _ Can Richard cook? I reckon he can. If not then I guess we'll need to learn. _

Evening came and everyone was finally sitting down to dinner. Charlotte yawned as she came into the servants hall and pretty much collapsed into the chair. "I fear I may fall asleep before eating!" She said.

"You'll get used to it all," Phyllis said to her kindly, from a few seats up the table. Thomas hadn't arrived yet as he was still upstairs. Some things had changed since Thomas took over, but waiting for the butler to be present before eating, was not one of them.

"I hope so. I am so hungry I could eat a horse!" Charlotte said. It was just her, Phyllis and Anna at the table at the moment.

"Don't tell the horses that," Anna said.

"Mr Barrow doesn't seem very much like a butler does he?" Charlotte said, suddenly changing the subject.

"In what way?" Phyllis said, rather glad Thomas was still upstairs and out of earshot. Thomas was rather good at eavesdropping.

"Well, he's younger for one thing. My older sister worked as a maid for a while and their butler was much older. Also he doesn't seem overly strict, like he doesn't mind breaking the rules himself."

"He is a reasonable man now," Anna said. "But don't forget that he is still in charge here and your superior."

"Hmm I know. Though is he always this cheerful? He was in the kitchen this afternoon, and was very happily enjoying one of the chocolate brownies that I made. He was trying to take one without Mrs Patmore knowing."

It was true that as of yesterday, Thomas had been in an unusually bright mood, which hadn't faded in the slightest. It was no secret that he had gone to see Richard so that might be why, but he's seen him before and never been this happy since, Anna thought. She couldn't mention any of this to the new maid though. "I guess like anyone, he has good and bad days. You were lucky to catch him on a good day. Though it doesn't surprise me about the brownies, he's always done that. He's got a bit of a sweet tooth," Anna said. The others had arrived at the table now, followed by Thomas, who was still failing to hide his obvious joy at whatever he knew that he was keeping secret.

"Talking about me?" Thomas asked.

"Only good things Mr Barrow," Phyllis said. "Though I'm afraid your theft of the brownies earlier has gotten out." Down the end of the table, Charlotte looked rather sheepish.

"Well as long as Mrs Patmore doesn't find out I've been stealing her food again, then I don't suppose that matters," Thomas said. Even he was surprised at how good he was feeling.

Around half an hour later, when the main course had been cleared away and they were finishing dessert, a meringue that had been left over from upstairs' dinner, Thomas heard the latch to the back door click shut, and familiar footsteps belonging to a certain someone approaching. Richard didn't bother with knocking anymore, he had been here so much that everyone was used to him just turning up. "Hope I'm not interrupting," Richard said from the doorway. Thomas turned and smiled at him. "Good to see you again, Mr Barrow."

"No of course not," Thomas said, jumping up from his place at the head of the table. "Hang on, I'll get you a chair." Thomas wondered why they bothered pretending just to be friends in the company of everyone here, when they all knew the truth anyway.  _ If I was more bold I could just kiss him right here,  _ he thought. Although since the arrival of Stephen and Charlotte, keeping things secret would be the best way.

"Didn't know you were in Yorkshire Mr Ellis." Mrs Hughes said. "Are your parents well? How long are you visiting for this time?" Richard sat down next to Thomas, and took a breath before answering.

"They are well thank you, I've been staying with them. I've actually been in the area for a while; a few weeks to be exact." Richard paused and glanced at Thomas before continuing. "I handed in my notice at the palace several weeks back."

Thomas smiled, clearly trying to contain his happiness at hearing this news yet again. "Wait, you used to work at the Palace? Buckingham Palace?" An excited sounding Charlotte asked, from down the other end of the table.

"Yes, I was valet to the King," Richard said. He had noticed a couple of faces he wasn't familiar with and assumed they were the new staff Thomas had said he'd hired.

"Why did you leave that position?" Stephen asked, sounding shocked.

"That's none of your business Stephen," Mrs Hughes said firmly, though she herself could see that Richard was sitting next to the reason why.

"It's okay Mrs Hughes. Understandable to question that," Richard said, sending a friendly smile Stephen's way. "There are a few reasons, wanting a change for one thing. Being able to take a bit more control over my own life. But mainly to be close to the people I love." Thomas felt his heart skip a beat. "My parents live in York and I don't get to see them as often as I'd like." Richard said, carefully covering his tracks.

"So what's your plan for the future?" Phyllis asked, hoping to divert the subject a little, so that Thomas didn't go a deeper shade of red than he was beginning to.

"A lot different to what I am used to, that's for sure!" Richard said, laughing a little at himself. It was true, he hadn't told Thomas, but he had very little knowledge about what he was planning on doing. "I have bought a place in Downton Village. A shop with a flat above it, little garden round the back as a bonus. It's nothing fancy at the moment. That's the reason I was able to buy it, as it will need a bit of work doing to it. Hence the reason why I am situated in York at present." Thomas was sure that he would never get bored of listening to Richard speak, he loved how eloquent he could sound.

"My goodness! That is a change. What are you going to use the shop space for?" Phyllis asked.

"I had a few ideas, but settled on a book shop. I thought I could make the most of the space that way. I had the added notion of lending books out as well."

"Like a library?" Stephen asked, interested.

"Sort of, except you cannot buy a book from a library if you like it. This way customers could try a book for a lesser price, and then buy it if they want to read it again," Richard explained.

"That sounds entreprenurial of you Mr Ellis," Mrs Hughes said. "Sounds like you have a good plan."

"I hope so," Richard said.

"Looks like we will be seeing more of you then?" Phyllis asked.

"Yes, you will," Richard said, glancing at Thomas again. "I'm looking forward to that very much."

...

"I can't be back too late, some of us still need to get up at insane hours," Thomas said, as he followed Richard outside later that evening. The light was already fading into darkness and they hadn't even left Downton yet.

"Not to worry, it won't take us long to get there," Richard said, Thomas hearing the twinkle in his eye, as he walked ahead of him. "I have transport." They rounded the corner outside the backyard to find a car parked up.

"Richard! Where did you get that? Is that yours as well?" Thomas asked, wondering if Richard could surprise him anymore.

"Impressed?" Richard said, opening the passenger side door for Thomas.

"Might be. Although what did you do to get the money for this?" Thomas asked.

"I'm afraid, nothing. It's not mine, let's call this a visual representation of my ambitions," Richard said. Thomas laughed, perfectly happy to be fooled by him.

"Which poor soul did you steal this from then?" Thomas asked, sitting down in the front.

"I would never steal Thomas!" Richard said, pretending to be shocked at such an accusation, as he got in the driver's side of the car. "It was borrowed."

"With permission?" Thomas asked.

"Well he won't know it's missing for a few hours," Richard answered.

"Who won't?"

"My father," Richard said.

Thomas laughed again, "Richard you are terrible!"

"He'll be fine with it. As long as it is brought back in one piece."

"Which it will be?"

"Of course! I am an excellent driver!" Richard proclaimed, as they drove down the drive a bit quicker than necessary.  _ Right, Richard is not allowed to get a car. He will love it more than me,  _ Thomas thought.

...

They parked the car a little way down the street from the shop. It was dark and the shop had no lighting so Richard brought a couple of torches and a lamp. They entered through the shop door, though there was another entrance round the side of the building that led straight to the flat. A bit of imagination was required to see it as a home right now, as it was dark and the corners full of shadows, and there was a musty smell in the air which can be associated with buildings that have lacked people for a while. But despite all this, Thomas couldn't ignore how proud Richard was when they looked around the shop floor. He stood there, hands on his hips, sporting an irresistible smile on his face. There was a counter at the back of the shop and a few shelves that once would have been stacked full of goods to sell. The latch to get behind the counter was a bit stiff so Richard instead, jumped up onto the counter and then over it, causing a clang to echo around the room. If Thomas didn't know that this was Richard's place, he would feel like he was a thief breaking in. Suppressing the urge to whisper, he said "You'll have to get that fixed."

"I said there were a lot of things that needed to doing to the place. Bit of paint and some light will help though. But I have a good imagination, I can see it working, can't you?" Richard asked. "I know it's not much at the moment but it will be," he said, taking Thomas's hand after he had jumped over the counter also.

"Richard, you don't need to try to impress me. You did that the moment I met you," Thomas said, his hand brushing Richard's chest. "Besides, I can see it. I can't say I'm the most practical of people, but I could paint a few walls I suppose. We can work on this together."

They picked up the torches that had been temporarily abandoned on the counter top, and headed through a doorway that was missing a door (Richard made a mental note to add that to the large list of things to do), and into a kitchen area behind. "This is the only part of the flat that is down on the ground floor, the rest is upstairs." Richard explained. "Since it is just the two of us I think we could get a table in here too."

"And you can serve me breakfast in the morning?" Thomas asked.

"I can see what I can do. My cooking skills have been improving a little recently," Richard said. Thomas followed him out the kitchen and through another door that led to a short hallway and a single flight of stairs. The side door was at the opposite end of the hallway to the stairs. Upstairs there was a small living room with a fireplace, and then along another hallway two bedrooms, the doors to each, opposite each other. One with the window looking out over the street, the other over the garden around the back. The bathroom was down the end of the hallway.

They wondered around what will soon be their bedroom. Thomas walked over to the window, the sky almost dark outside, the glow of the sunset coming from the horizon behind them. "East facing," he said, smiling. He turned away from the window, and towards Richard who was near the door. Putting the torch down again he wrapped his arms around Richard, "Wallpaper or paint?" he asked.

Richard stroked Thomas's hair behind his head, "Hmm, paint. Wallpaper can get ripped."

"Very practical and my thoughts exactly," Thomas said, leaning over to turn off the torch so that he could kiss Richard without people being able to see from outside. After a couple of kisses Thomas stopped and instead put his head on Richard's shoulders.

"Anything the matter? You're a bit tense," Richard said.

"No, it's fine," Thomas answered, not moving from his current position.

"Thomas, I know you. You can't lie to me," Richard said.

Thomas gave in. "One thing is bothering me. This is a big change. We will be going from only seeing each other once or twice a year, to seeing each other every day, well pretty much all the time," Thomas faced Richard again. "Don't get me wrong, it's a dream come true, but it's still a big change. I mean, what if the novelty wears off? What if you get bored of me?"

Richard knew of Thomas's insecurities about himself, and how a lot of the time, he had to convince Thomas that he is special, treasured and that he deserves to be loved. He hates those people in his past who have made him feel otherwise. "Firstly, you are not a novelty. I have for years thought of no one but you. I would not abandon a job in the finest house in the country for just anyone you know. Secondly, how on earth can I ever get bored of you? Thomas you are heaven sent!" he breathed.

"I'm not sure I came from there," Thomas said.

"From where I am standing it seems so. We might have days where we can't stand each other, though I find that hard to imagine right now, but they will be rarities. But every couple has them." Thomas loved how he referred to them both as a couple. "My parents have not talked to each other for a whole day, but have always made up in the end." And as if to add extra reassurance, Richard pulled Thomas close once more, and despite the fact that no one was there to overhear them, he whispered into Thomas's ear "I love you and I always will."

The clock at the church chimed 10 o'clock. "We should be getting back," Richard said. "My father may begin to realise that his car is missing otherwise!”


	3. 3

The car pulled up outside the yard behind the wall, so out of eyeline from the back door. It was late, the sky clear, though the ocoasional grey cloud passed over the full moon. Thomas should be annoyed that he was probably only going to get five hours sleep at best, due to the late hour, but he was still trying to figure out this new reality for himself and Richard. The lack of time for sleeping probably wouldn't matter anyway as the chances were that he wouldn't be able to sleep much anyway. He had long ago come to terms with the fact that he'd never actually move out of Downton, or move in with anyone else. So naturally, this was all a lot to take in.

Richard didn't find himself able to say much on their short drive back to Downton. He had never much liked uncertainty, preferring to always have a solid plan to stick too. He knew how much of a gamble this would be. Leaving a safe and secure job, for one that could go under before it had even begun. He could bare failing on his own, but any failure would let Thomas down, and that was something he could never do. That man had been let down far too many times for himself to be added to that tally. He wanted this so much. Not just being with Thomas but doing his own thing, making his own decisions for once. Maybe he had been considering leaving for years, but it had taken falling for Thomas to finally make him do it. He wanted to be a success, and all the things that came with that. "I'll see you on Sunday then?" Richard asked. One of the few things he did say on the way back was that his parents had invited Thomas over for Sunday lunch if he could manage it.

"Yes, I'll be glad to be there," Thomas said, looking over to the way Richard was still holding the steering wheel with his black leather gloves. Thomas smiled, "You will have to give it back you know?"

"I know," Richard said, sighing. "I would love one of my own one day, I doubt my father would want to part with his."

"If he is as fond of this thing as you are, then I don't think he'd be giving it away."

"Unfortunately Thomas, I think you may be right," Richard said, getting out of the car. Thomas got out after Richard, walking around to the other side of the car to join him, his footsteps crunching on the gravel.

Richard was running his hand over the front wheel arch of the car, that was glinting in the moonlight. "I'm almost jealous," Thomas said. Richard snapped out of his own little world that he had been in for a moment, at the sound of Thomas's voice. He left the car, and sauntered over to Thomas, and stood opposite him, putting his hand on Thomas's waist.

"You know, with our new arrangement Thomas, I'm sure we could find plenty of time for me to run my hands all over you!" Richard said huskily.

"We would have many occasions," Thomas agreed. "And I'm sure I could return the favour."

"I would expect nothing less," Richard replied, his face only an inch or so away from Thomas, before they kissed. It was in the back of Thomas's mind that they shouldn't be kissing here, so out in the open, but the darkness made him feel safer, and several of Richard's kisses, and his hands holding onto him, pulling him closer; easily convinced him that they were perfectly safe out here.

Suddenly though, Richard pulled away abruptly. "Shit," he cursed, looking beyond Thomas. It took a moment for Thomas to work out why he had stopped the way he did, until he turned around and saw why.

The new footman, Stephen, was standing there in the gateway, holding a packet of cigarettes, to the back yard looking at them. For a second, no one moved or said anything. That was until Stephen looked Thomas in the eye for an instant, before turning around and running back to the house. "Dammit!" Thomas cursed, as he felt that all too familiar fear again, ruining a perfect moment- again.

"Let him go," Richard said.

"No! I've done that before, not making that same mistake again."

"Does he not know?"

"Of course he doesn't!" Thomas said, trying not to shout, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention. "He's only been here a day, and it's not like I put a note at the end of the advert 'Experienced preferred. Oh- and you must be happy working for a queer!"

"Don't call yourself that!" Richard said. He was trying to remain calm, but Thomas's fear was rubbing off on him.

"I'm going after him," Thomas said.

"Thomas-" Richard began, grabbing Thomas's arm.

Thomas shook him off. "No! I've got to sort this!" he said, running in the direction of the back door.

...

"Telephone is that way Stephen," Thomas said, as Stephen was going upstairs and not, as Thomas expected, to his office to use the telephone. "Well, how else do you expect to get every policeman around here? Send a note via carrier pigeon!" Thomas asked, his panic, as it so often did, coming off as anger. He wasn't quite sure why he was practically encouraging Stephen to do what he didn't want him to do; maybe he felt it necessary to test him? Either way, the look on Stephen's face showed that Thomas was intimidating him. Thomas stopped and tried to calm himself a little.

"I don't need to use the telephone Mr Barrow," he said, looking at his feet.

"Then what do you intend to do about...,"Thomas paused. "About what you saw?"

"I didn't see much to be honest," Stephen said, looking a lot younger than his age right now. Thomas looked up the stairs. The last thing he needs right now is everyone else over hearing this. He motioned to Stephen to follow him into his office.

"I know that is not true, Stephen. You saw us."

Stephen was silent. "I saw you and your friend Mr Ellis, that's all. I saw you um...," he said quietly, looking at his feet once again.

"So you did see us then," Thomas said. "And so if you don't intend to get the police over here, then what do you want?"

"Nothing I swear," Stephen said. "I only lied as there was nothing that I saw that I would tell anyone."

Thomas was not sure what to say to this. He did however, believe him. "I'm sorry that I was overbearing earlier, Stephen. It was rude of me," Thomas began, this not being a normal conversation between a footman and butler. It was certainly a lot different than the one he had with Mr Carson many years ago on a similar subject. "I hope you understand that I was scared. If you mean what you say then I'm asking you not to speak of this again."

"I won't I swear Mr Barrow. You have my word," Stephen said.

Thomas nodded. "One thing though. Why did you run?"

"I thought I'd be in trouble for being out this late at night without permission. I was gonna try smoking these," Stephen said, holding up the cigarette packet.

Thomas relaxed a bit and smiled. "You might have been, especially on your first night here. Though in the circumstances, I can forget about this. Though I would offer you some advice."

"Yes Mr Barrow."

"Spend your wages on something more worthwhile."

"I only got them because I thought it would help me fit in," Stephen said. Thomas could sympathise in that regard.

"Take it from me, no amount of smoking will ever get you to fit in. I have smoked for years, though less now, and I have never managed to fit in, even now," Thomas said, his thoughts coming aloud. "What are your interests? Any hobbies?"

"Well, I've always been a keen reader. My mother encouraged me with reading."

"Any favourites?" Richard said, interrupting from the doorway. Somehow, Thomas didn't hear the door open. Thomas gave Richard a look to confirm that they were okay.

"I read a lot of Dickens stuff when I was younger," Stephen said. "I started reading a few by Jane Austen too, though my father stopped me from reading those as romance novels are not what a real man should be reading apparently. I used to have a copy of Northanger Abbey. I enjoyed the mystery in it, though it got lost I think."

"Well I could get a few of those in stock when I open. Do a fair bit of reading myself in my spare time, though as Mr Barrow can vouch for, a servant doesn't get much of that," Richard said.

"I'd like that, and I think the idea you mentioned earlier today about lending books out will be great," Stephen said. The atmosphere of tension that had been present at the beginning of this conversation, successfully dissipated.

"Wonderful! There you are Mr Barrow, positive customer feedback," Richard said cheerfully.

One thing Thomas admired about Richard (well there was a long list, but this was near the top) was his ability to look positively on things. This was not the way he expected confronting Stephen about what he interrupted to go, but Richard had turned this into a conversation on an entirely more comfortable level. Though, as the yawn he tried to stifle showed, these conversations were not meant for eleven in the evening. "We should both be getting to bed I think, neither of us will be much good tomorrow otherwise I think," Thomas said to Stephen. "And you better get back, don't want your parents being worried," he said to Richard.

"Yes, goodnight Mr Barrow, Mr Ellis," Stephen said.

"Goodnight," They both said, "Thank you," Thomas added.

"I'd invite you to stay with me because all I want to do is hold you," Thomas said to Richard once Stephen had gone upstairs. "but I think it would be tempting fate too much."

"You'll be alright Thomas. You were right in going after him. You handled that well; professionally. I'm proud," Richard said, remaining by the slightly open door.

"You didn't hear what I first said then?" Thomas said. " I think I scared him a bit."

"No I didn't, but you still handled it well. Given the circumstances, it was only natural to be scared. I was too. But Stephen sounds like a great choice of footman. I am curious as to why he didn't freak at seeing us, as a lot of people would though."

Thomas thought for a moment. "Maybe he knows more about our type than we both initially realised," Thomas said, as he followed Richard out of his office.


	4. 4

It was approaching one o'clock in the afternoon, by the time Thomas had left the station at York and was walking through the streets on his way to Richard's parents house, a few days later on Sunday. It was raining a little, but not enough to be a bother. It was actually quite warm so it was refreshing. The raindrops were light, floating around in the light wind like snowflakes, before falling to the ground, glinting in the sun. He remembered the last time he was here. It seemed such a long time ago. It was before Richard took him on a trip to London, their first real trip out together. He was still getting to know Richard then. He had been nervous about meeting Richard's parents, but happy to discover that they accepted him, without question. It was not a sensation that he was familiar with. He had always expected the worst, and had never bothered to hope for the best. Though these days, hope was a lot easier to feel. Richard had given him that. He turned into their front garden, a couple of children running past him on the pavement, as he closed the gate. As it was Sunday afternoon, most people were at home. Thomas knocked on the door before taking a step back. "Hello Thomas," Richard said, opening the door. "I was beginning to wonder if you had gotten yourself lost. In everything that happened a few days ago, I forgot to remind you of the address."

"No need, I have a good memory," Thomas said, stepping inside and shutting the front door behind him. "I didn't get away as quickly as I hoped." Before Thomas could say another word, Richard had pulled him into a kiss, wrapping his arms around him, his hands on his upper back. Thomas took a second or so to react, as he had to ignore his instinct to back away, remembering that they were okay to be themselves here. Soon enough however, he was kissing his lover back, and what was only meant as a 'welcome' or 'I've missed you' kiss, developed into something more. Neither of the pair could get enough of the other, as Thomas's hand sat quite low on Richard's back.

"Richie, can you keep an eye on the chicken? It will burn into a cinder otherwise," came the voice of Richard's mother, Marion from the kitchen. The presence of anyone else, didn't seem to register with either Thomas or Richard, so her question was met with no answer. "Richard! I can't watch it forever. You will have to serve Thomas corned beef for lunch otherwise!" Marion said, as she approached the hallway, when she discovered why her son was being so unresponsive. "Oh hello Thomas," she said, amused, catching the two of them red-handed.

That did seem to register, somewhere in Thomas's mind, and he and Richard pulled back from each other, both of them looking a bit ruffled and red-faced, though Richard hadn't removed his hand from Thomas's shoulder. It was not a feeling of fear he'd get if he and Thomas were caught out by most other people, the feeling he had a couple of nights back outside Downton by the car. He was always thankful that he had parents who loved him for who he really was. However, not knowing how long your mother had been watching you passionately entwined with your boyfriend, was one that was still a bit embarrassing, even at his age. Richard coughed and smoothed down his hair. "Marion good afternoon. Sorry I'm a bit late," Thomas said, smoothing down his shirt and taking off his hat, which he hadn't had a chance to remove yet, whilst trying to salvage a bit of dignity. He honestly did not feel his age right now. He felt a whole lot younger.

"Not to worry. Lunch won't be ready for a while yet. We may have been quicker, if I had done it, though Richie insisted on doing it himself," Marion said. Thomas smirked at the look on Richard's face, being told off like he was a child again. Thomas thought it was rather sweet that his mother still called him by the name he was called as a boy. "Richie, if you could let go of Thomas just for a moment, then you can stop lunch from being a disaster, and I can give Thomas a hug."

"Right, um, yes. I'll see you in a bit Thomas," Richard said.

"Yes Richie," Thomas said, causing Richard to roll his eyes at him, before leaving the hallway. Thomas was not a hugging person. There had been very few moments in his life, aside from Richard, where he had been hugged by someone. His mother used too, when he was young, and before he had stopped being the perfect son.

"How are you Thomas? A lot must have happened since we last saw you," Marion said, after their hug. Thomas was quite a bit taller than Richard's mother, so straightened up before answering. He had always kept good posture- something that becomes second nature in his line of work.

"I am well, thank you. I know people always say that, but I am." Thomas wondered how much they knew about what had happened since he was last here several years ago. They must have known about when he got ill, earlier this year, after saving a boy from drowning in a flooded river. He wondered if they knew about when they had both been blackmailed by one of Richard's former colleagues or the things that happened as a result of that. Either way, she asked no questions and passed no judgement, and that was just the way that Thomas liked things. Thomas took off his coat, and then remembered the gift he had that had been placed on the floor when Richard had greeted him. "I brought you and John this," he said, taking out a bottle wrapped in brown paper from a bag. "I guess it's a thank you for welcoming me."

"No need to thank us, dear. The fact that Richard is happy and settled is enough. Though I'm sure that my husband won't object. He drinks more of this stuff more than I," Marion said as she and Thomas went through to the living room.

"Thomas, good to see you again," Richard's father, John said, getting up from his chair. "Did I over hear something about a bottle? I promise I'm not an alcoholic, just appreciate a good wine now and again, as a treat you know!"

“You did, I thought you two could make use of this," Thomas said, handing him the bottle.

"Oh good stuff too! Though do I have Lord Grantham or you to thank?" John said. He had the same mischievous sense of humour as his son.

"Me. His lordship won't be missing this, if that's what you are wondering," Thomas said, feeling right at home already.

"Well thank you. We will save this for a special occasion. I suppose you know which wines are the best. Part of your job?"

"I pick up on a few things about them, yes," Thomas said. "I must say though, that the cherry lemonade that Richard bought along a few days ago, was heavenly. Could easily rival any French wine in my opinion."

"Oh I don't know about that, but it is a wonderful thing indeed. No hope of growing lemons here in the open air, but cherries do rather well. Richard can show you the tree later on, around the back," John said.

...

The chicken was saved after all and made a rather lovely centerpiece to a Sunday roast. Thomas had wandered into the kitchen after talking to John in the living room, and was enjoying the site of Richard busy cooking. Richard was always so impeccable in his appearance, like himself, it goes with the job, and it is not a habit that is easy to get out of. At the moment, Richard was managing to combine smart and casual perfectly. His hair was still ruffled from before, but instead of his usual waistcoat, shirt and trousers, he was wearing a white shirt and braces, the shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows, which Thomas felt no shame in admiring from behind. Having lunch around a table with Richard and his parents, gave Thomas a feeling that was worth more than all the diamonds in the world. It was like he was part of their family, he supposed now that he was with Richard, that he sort of was. It was like he was in another world, one where he and Richard were not freaks of nature, or something to be avoided. He was Richard's boyfriend, and there was nothing more to it. Perhaps, he was meant to feel some jealousy at what Richard has, but he could not feel any of that. They talked about Richard's enterprise with the book shop, and Thomas found out that they had contributed to Richard's costs for buying the place. Richard had mentioned that there had been a few gifts from people, alongside the loan. He also found out that their need for furniture would be lessened as they had put some things aside for them both. Thomas joked that they must really want to get Richard out of their house, but John had said it was more a case of wanting him and Richard to move in together.

After sitting staring at an empty plate, that had been refilled several times, Thomas could swear he'd never need to eat again. Richard noticed how sleepy Thomas was looking- eating lots of food could do that. "Thomas, I'll finish up here," Richard said in the kitchen, later on. They were both washing up the plates and dishes from lunch. He had offered as it only seemed fair when he'd been so kindly treated here. "You look tired. Go around the back, there is a seat under the cherry tree, I'll join you soon."

"I don't mind," Thomas said. "I'm not too bad." Thomas tried to stifle a yawn.

"You are, now go. Get out of here," Richard said, playfully flicking a tea towel in Thomas' direction.

Thomas smiled and held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine," he said, leaving. Thomas walked down the hallway to the back door that led out into the back garden. He stopped though when he noticed a few photos on the wall. There was one of a young boy, probably aged six or seven, sitting half way up a tree. An apple tree, Thomas thought. He had a cheeky expression on his face, but was looking mighty proud of being up the tree. Thomas could tell that it was Richard; smiles don't tend to change. A bit further along the hallway, there was another photo of him as a young man. Maybe twenty years old, in a soldiers uniform, looking serious, a couple of medals pinned to his chest pocket. Thomas never knew Richard received any medals. He had some himself, though he never really thought he deserved them. Thomas was transfixed by that photo for a few minutes, he wondered what it would have been like if he and Richard had met whilst in France? He was in a way, glad they did not. He was a different person then, and he hopes that he is a better one now. Thomas tore himself away from the photo. He was curious about the medals, but there were some things that they just don't speak about much. He wandered out into the back garden and the sun. The air smelt fresh with rain, the grass sparkling with recently fallen rain drops. It was a smallish space, but then he was used to the great sweeping lawns of Downton, so it was unfair to compare. There were some carefully tended flower beds along a hedge and several moderately sized trees at the far end of the garden, giving welcome shade in the summer. The cherry tree was situated in front of these, a lovely wooden bench sitting below its branches. The tree was no longer laden with cherries, these would have been picked a month or so earlier, but the leaves were still green. The whole scene was inviting to say the least.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Richard said, walking across the garden ten minutes later towards Thomas, who was looking up through the leaves of the cherry tree to the sky.

"Yes, it is a lovely sight," Thomas said looking at Richard. Richard made a move to kiss him, but Thomas backed off.

"It's okay," Richard said softly. "We're okay here. Neighbours can't see out their upstairs windows, the angle is wrong. And Mrs Potter next door, has known me since I was a child, probably knew about me before I did. So relax." So Thomas did, allowing himself to be guided backwards until his back hit the tree.

"Get birds nesting up there in the spring sometimes. It's nice, but they take a lot of the cherries," Richard said as they both looked up into the branches above them. Thomas didn't reply. He just allowed himself the luxury of being out with Richard in the open, during the day time. They could usually only ever be like this at night. "You okay?" Richard asked.

"Yeah," Thomas said, feeling the metal on the back of Richard's braces, warm with his touch. "Thank you."

"Well my mother suggested it," Richard began.

"I don't just mean that. I mean for everything, all these years. Thank you for finding me. I don't think I could have saved myself," Thomas said, his voice like a whisper.

"You're very special to me too, Thomas. I will treasure you, for as long as you will have me. I promise," Richard said, tenderly. Their lips met halfway, gently feeling the sensation of each other, pressing together for a tender kiss, that was followed by another, then another, making Thomas feel more special by the moment, as he traced the fabric of Richard's shirt on his back.

...

Marion was putting the finishing touches to some cake that was meant to be the dessert for lunch, but everyone was so full that it was never needed. They decided to save it until mid-afternoon so it could be enjoyed properly. She had her back to the window overlooking the garden for a while. The last time she looked out the window was when Richard had just gone outside after tidying up in the kitchen, he had been looking up at something in the cherry tree with Thomas. She and John were very proud of his former job in the King's service, but he was always so busy and London was far away, even with the trains. Neither she nor her husband were getting any younger, and so having him around was nice, as was the knowledge that he'd be living within only a few miles very soon. She finished spreading the cream on top of the cake, and turned to put the spoon and bowl in the sink when she looked up and gasped. Now, many people would tell her the sight in front of her eyes was one of evil or sin, but all she could see was goodness and love. She didn't really know why her opinions on the matter were different to most people she knew, but she was so grateful that they were. It meant that her son could be happy. Underneath, the cherry tree, her son and Thomas were wrapped in a passionate embrace. She didn't find it strange or unnerving that he was kissing another man, like most would kiss a woman, or how he would laugh when Thomas said something in his ear. It was beautiful. "That tea would get cold soon. I'll take it outside now," John said, coming into the kitchen.

"No, we can leave it a bit. I can always make some more for them later," she said.

"It's no bother, I thought I'd sit outside anyway," John said, oblivious to what his wife was watching.

"We should have it inside John," Marion said firmly.

"Don't see why we should have to, I know it was raining earlier, but it is perfectly fine now. Oh-" John began, stopping mid sentence on seeing why his wife was so keen to stay indoors. "Right, well in that case, we should save them some cake."

Marion didn't answer, but was still looking out the window. She had worried when she found out about Richard's preferences. Not just because of the obvious danger to him, but she was worried that he would be lonely. He always put on a brave face, but she knew he had been lonely for a long time. Seemed though, that he had finally found what, or who, he needed. "Our son is in love John," she said.


	5. 5

Thomas wasn't lying when he said to Mrs Hughes that he had to run down to the village for a few errands. He really did have some letters to post, one to Jimmy, and others concerning the running of the house. However, a butler would normally send one of the hall boys to do this sort of job, as it would take too much time out of his day. Thing is though, it was already Wednesday, and therefore three days since he last saw Richard, and he wanted to pop by the shop and surprise him. So as a result, he had been rushing around all morning, trying to fulfill everything that had to be done before lunch time, so that he could get out of there. He was hoping that Richard would be in the village and not at his parents house in York still. "Don't worry about lunch, I'll grab something in the village. Will be too much of a rush for me to get back in time," Thomas said, as he grabbed his coat and hat from the chair in his office, walking quickly down the hallway past the servants hall and kitchen.

"Just make sure you are back by two," Mrs Hughes said, realising that it wouldn't take over two hours to post a few letters, but was pretty sure she knew the real reason for Thomas's spontaneous decision to be helpful. In the old days, he would normally try to get out of doing these sorts of errands, as he would believed that they were 'beneath him' as under butler back then. "His Lordship has a visitor at three."

"Yeah, I will be," Thomas said in a hurried fashion, as he shut the back door behind him.

Back in the servants hall, where everything Thomas had just said, had been easily overheard, Charlotte was thinking. "I would have thought he'd send Albert down to the post office, would have been quicker, then he wouldn't have been in such a rush. He's been running around like a headless chicken all morning!"

"Maybe he needed to get away from all this needless gossip," Mrs Hughes said, hoping the topic of conversation would shift to something else immediately. Phyllis Baxter, who was sitting at the table with her sewing box and one of her Ladyship's blouses, tried not to give away what everyone else knew. Keeping Thomas's secret safe was hard when they had new staff around. Of course, if they knew and were understanding or just willing to turn a blind eye, then it simplifies things. But it was a risk finding out if they were this, or if they would summon a constable the second they found out. It was hard to ever truly know someone.

Charlotte was quiet for a while after that. Stephen, who had come in with a pair of shoes that he shouldn't have been polishing on the main table (he didn't want to miss out on the conversation), tried to keep his face neutral. Mrs Hughes had hoped that would be the end of it, but a few minutes later she piped up again, the thoughts about Mr Barrow's 'errand' clearly not out of her mind. "He's gone to see Mr Ellis hasn't he?" she said.

"Why do you say that? He probably just needed a bit of fresh air. That's probably why he volunteered to post the letters," Phyllis said.

"I don't know, just that they seem to get on rather well. They like each other," she said.

"He's been a good friend to Mr Barrow, since they met. They do get on well, they are similar in many ways," Mrs Hughes said.

"Not common though is it? For a man to keep a friend a secret. He could have just said he was going to see him," Charlotte said.

"Mr Barrow has never been one to share his private affairs with people," she said, not directly answering Charlotte's question. "He also wouldn't appreciate you discussing him, behind his back."

That seemed to be enough to get Charlotte to stop the subject, for now at least. Mrs Hughes, feared this would not be the end of the subject entirely.

...

Thomas had wasted no time, getting to Downton village, taking the shortest route possible to the post office, where he was thankful to find only a small queue. After he had posted his letters, his pocket watch confirmed that he had an hour and three quarters until he had to head back to Downton. He was pleased to see on his approach to Richard's shop that he was indeed home, the door was propped open and a ladder was leaning against one of the windows. Richard was not on the ladder, but on a small ledge above the door. Not the place Thomas was expecting to find him, so he didn't see him there at first. Thomas didn't call out, not wanting to cause Richard to step back and fall, luckily though Richard saw him first. "Was wondering when you were going to be sent down here for one thing or another," Richard said from above Thomas.

"I'd have you know, since I'm in charge, no one sends me anywhere, Mr Ellis," Thomas said.

"My apologies Mr Barrow," Richard said. Richard was looking different, he had an old shirt on, which had a couple of buttons missing from the top near the collar, revealing the top of Richard's tanned chest, when it was ruffled by the fresh breeze. His hair was out of place too, frazzled by the wind also. Thomas had never seen him looking so casual, and he liked it.

"What are you doing up there anyway? Couldn't you just paint the sign from standing on the ladder, would be safer." Thomas had noticed the pots of paint at the foot of the ladder.

"I just climbed up here to relax and enjoy the view," Richard said sarcastically. Thomas rolled his eyes at that. "I'm cleaning the upstairs windows first, thought it would make more sense to do these first then add the finishing touches with the sign after."

"Well you know if you need any help, I could come down here and see what I could do," Thomas said.

"And have you ruin your impeccable uniform with green paint! I'm not sure Mr Barrow," Richard said, climbing down the ladder. Richard usually only called him 'Mr Barrow' when he wanted something, or when he was flirting with him, but it was safer to go by surnames in public like this. Still, Thomas couldn't be quite sure that Richard wasn't flirting, in his own way. Either way Thomas was enjoying this.

"I could change couldn't I?" Thomas said.

"Wouldn't have you change for the world Mr Barrow," Richard said, now off the ladder and wiping his hands on a rag.

"My clothes, I meant Mr Ellis!" Thomas said.

Richard laughed, "I knew that. I could do with a cup of tea, been here all morning. Could you carry that bucket in?" Richard asked.

Thomas picked up the bucket, and followed Richard inside. They went behind the counter, and into the kitchen. Things were still pretty basic, but Thomas could see that Richard had started to move a few pieces of furniture in. Richard washed his hands in the sink, then filled a kettle and put it on the stove, which was also now in working order, to boil. "Fixed up a few things since you were last here Thomas, still a lot to do, but at least we now have a table." Richard said. Thomas found it adorable how proud he was of these little achievements, and also how Richard was unaware that he had a blob of soap on his forehead. Thomas smiled. "What?" Richard asked, looking behind him momentarily, trying to figure out what Thomas was smiling about.

"I like how proud you are of this," Thomas said, pushing the door that joined the kitchen to the shop, closed with his foot.

"Well I'd say this is the biggest achievement of my life," Richard said.

"Yes you really have outdone yourself, bringing a table into the kitchen all on your own!" Thomas joked.

"I meant all of this, moving here, being with you."

"I knew that," Thomas said, moving away from leaning against the wall, and into Richard's embrace, who was still leaning against the work surface, next to the stove. Thomas wiped off the blob of soap with his finger. Thomas and Richard kissed, Thomas enjoying the mix of scents of water, soap and dust that were still attached to Richard's shirt. They were alone, in their own little space in the world, their peace only interrupted by the rather domestic sound of the kettle whistling.

...

"I'll have to tell them soon you know, about me moving here," Thomas said. They were sitting upstairs, in what would eventually be the living room, on a large wooden box, their backs leaning against the wall and the window. Thomas finished his tea. "Not quite sure about how to go about that."

Richard thought for a moment. "Complete honesty is not possible, so just tell them only what they need to know and let them find out the rest in due course. I'm assuming you're referring to the upstairs folk?"

"Well everyone eventually, but yes, I'll have to tell them first. How is it best to tell them that their butler is leaving? Downton without a butler in permanent residence- might give them a bit of a shock!"

Richard laughed. "Well, the butler before you, Carson- didn't he leave eventually?"

"Well yes, but he got married so had a reasonable excuse," Thomas said. "It's not like I can use that reason, and besides, everyone was so pleased for him," Thomas added, the bitterness of his tone becoming apparent to Richard.

"They know about you don't they?" Richard asked, deciding to draw the subject away from a potential cliff edge.

"The Crawleys? They do, no one ever speaks of it of course though," Thomas said.

"Well, like I said. Tell them only what they need to know, and if they put two and two together, then in this case, I don't think we should be concerned."

...

Thomas spent most of the rest of the afternoon distracted by his thoughts. This was the biggest step towards his personal happiness that he'd have to take. He sat at his desk in the late afternoon, gazing at nothing, fiddling pointlessly with a pen in his hand. He kept telling himself that he has a perfectly reasonable right to ask this. He had been in this house longer, or at least as long, as any of its employees. Many of them did not live there anymore. Some like Mr and Mrs Bates had been given a cottage on the Downton estate. In terms of the logistics of working and living off site, that proved that it could be done. If they could, then he could too. But logistics were not what were causing him to worry. He was fine with pretty much everyone knowing about him, as they had known for years. In some cases, it has been rather helpful. He had a rather unique situation here, where he was employed by people who didn't want to see him locked up or destroyed. But taking this step, when they found out the reasons for his sudden desire to leave, made everything official and a lot more public, even if they kept up the pretence of him being Richard's lodger and friend, but nothing more. He wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, so decided to tackle this before bed.

...

Thomas was loitering outside the upstairs dining room (well one of them), trying to think of the right moment to do this, or whether he should wait until tomorrow, when the opportunity suddenly presented itself as Lord Grantham came down the stairs. "Anything the matter Barrow? You look concerned."

Thomas almost jumped. "No M'Lord," Thomas said. "Although, if you have a moment, I do have something I'd wish to discuss with you."

"Of course. Go ahead."

"Well, lately M'Lord, I have been thinking. I've been living in this house for the majority of my life, and I have fancied a change. A change of scenery," Thomas said, inwardly cursing himself at how awkward he was feeling.

"A change of scenery? Are you telling me you want to hand in your notice?"

"No M'Lord! I am very happy here, I just mean I would like to live elsewhere- nearby of course."

Lord Grantham looked relieved, despite Thomas's past, he was very good at his job, it's not easy to find a good butler these days. "I am glad to hear that Barrow. I take it you have something in mind?"

Thomas was pleased by the small victory that he hadn't been refused outright. "I do M'Lord. I have found a place in the village, lodgings above a shop. I should think I would like it very much there," Thomas said, a small smile, flickering across his face when he said that. "Although, I won't do this if you or Lady Mary, have any objections." That last part was a lie. Thomas thought to himself that he would be willing to bring out the tactics of the old version of Thomas Barrow if absolutely necessary, as this mattered to him more than anything.

"I don't object Barrow. You have been here long enough to earn your right to this, if it is what you want."

"It is M'Lord."

"Very well, I will have to talk to Mary about this of course, but I think this could work out."

"Thank you M'Lord," Thomas said.

"Goodnight Barrow," Lord Grantham said, before turning towards the dining room.

...

"Barrow asked me a favour yesterday evening," Robert said, pouring himself some wine at the table in the living room the next morning.

"Oh?" Mary said. "Do tell."

"He wants to move out of here, live in the village. I have no objections, unless you do?"

"Wouldn't it be odd, having a house without a butler permanently present?"

"Carson moved out when he married and still ran things perfectly well. Nothing much changed for us," he said.

"Yes but that was Carson, so it was different," Mary said. "And he was married, so he could hardly stay. I take it Thomas isn't getting married?"

Robert was worried that his daughter would be difficult. "No. He said he won't do this without our permission, but he really does seem keen."

"Where does he want to live?" Mary asked, putting down her tea.

"He's found a place as a lodger above a shop in the village apparently."

"He didn't ask for a cottage on the estate then?"

"No, never showed any interest in one."

"Funny. I would have thought he'd prefer a cottage to a flat," Mary said. "What do you think Tom?"

"Maybe, this has less to do with the flat and more to do with who he will be living with?" Tom said.

"Why do you say that?" Robert asked.

"Well, I was in the village the other day, and there is a shop that has been standing empty for months. The one Mr Gregory owned before he died. Well, it has been sold and I found out that the new owner of the shop and the flat is Richard Ellis, he's been visiting here for years, a couple of times a year."

"Richard Ellis? He was the valet to the King wasn't he? The only one of the royal staff that downstairs got on with," Robert asked.

"He got on well with Thomas didn't he? Very well, if he came all the way from London to see him several times," Mary suggested.  _ And extremely well if he has left his job in the royal household to move here and work in a shop,  _ she thought to herself. "It seems then that Thomas was asking to move in with him, not to move out of here."

"After everything he's been though, we can't refuse him," Robert said.

"No," Mary paused. "Well I suppose that's settled then!” She said, looking pleased with herself as if she had single handedly secured Thomas Barrow’s happiness. “Barrow will be moving out."


	6. 6

It was the following Sunday when Richard next saw Thomas again. His days now consisted of trips to Downton village to bring over furniture and general supplies to his and Thomas's new flat from York, decorating and generally fixing the place up a bit to make it more homely, whilst also seeing suppliers for his shop in York and other cities. In other words, the life he had known, full of the order and formality that came with working for the royal family, had gone. Parts he missed, but everything is a choice in the end and he chose Thomas. He had also made it his business to get to know the village a little more and the people who would become his neighbours. He wanted to make good first impressions, to turn people to his favour so that he would have more friends than enemies. Gossip is natural, he assumed, for a small village when someone from the 'outside world' moves in, but neither he nor Thomas could afford any gossip that could be harmful. He had started at the village post office, which was the hub of the community, and decided to stick to the story that he had left his job in London where he worked as a valet (he kept it quiet that he worked for the King personally, as that would definitely start gossip), as his parents were getting old and he wanted to be closer to them, and that he had chosen Downton since, it was easier to find a cheaper place to live, as his finances were tight (something a lot of people could understand or relate too). He reckoned that would help explain his need for a lodger, helping to justify Thomas's presence when he moved in. It wasn't a complete lie, but he could never tell the complete truth. Since he had already had the baker's wife bring him a lovely homemade cake to welcome him to Downton, he was confident his plan was going well.

Richard had spent a few hours on Sunday morning doing a few odd jobs here and there. He didn't have much time as he had been to church that morning. He was not religious, and was not keen on the ceremony of it all, and the fact that people like him were not welcome in a place like that. However, he decided it would be a good thing to do, in order to avoid any unwelcome rumours. He needed to blend in. A lot of people from Downton Abbey were there too of course so he didn't feel out of place too much, though he didn't see Thomas there. He didn't listen to the sermon really, just pretended too. He was more caught up in a memory of a few years ago, when he came for Daisy and Andy's wedding and he and Thomas shared a kiss at the front of this church, right where the vicar was standing now. He rather enjoyed the thought that the vicar had no idea of the 'shocking event' that happened at that very spot. It was a small victory that put him in a good mood. After the service, he had an hour until he was to meet Thomas up at Downton. Thomas had the afternoon free so they were going to paint the bedroom walls and ceiling. One hour wasn't enough time to get anything else done, so he decided to walk up to Downton and surprise Thomas with being early.

Walking through the back door at Downton, not bothering to knock as usual, Richard almost collided with Charlotte who was rushing out of another room with a mop. "Oh sorry! Didn't see you there," he said to Charlotte.

"Oh hello Mr Ellis, you're here again. Mr Barrow is a bit busy at the moment," she said smiling at him.

"I hope he's not still working." Thomas was, like any good butler, a perfectionist.

"Not as such," Charlotte said mysteriously, before taking the mop towards the kitchen.

"Mr Ellis, good to see you. How's the shop going?" Phyllis asked, as he entered the servants hall.

"Very well thank you. Should be able to open in a week or two," he said.

"Oh that's great news. I'll have to pop in there when you open, Mr Moseley would like to see too I imagine."

"You'll both be very welcome Miss Baxter," he said. "Charlotte said that Thomas is busy still? I hope he hasn't forgotten he has this afternoon off."

Phyllis smiled, "No he'd never forget that Mr Ellis. Charlotte was referring to Thomas working in the kitchen. He's been in there since everyone returned from church."

"Thomas is in the kitchen? Is Downton so desperate for more kitchen staff that they draft in the butler now?" Richard said with a chuckle.

At that moment, Mr and Mrs Bates joined them in the servants hall. "Why do you think we are still here on a Sunday afternoon? Mr Barrow cooking is something we cannot afford to miss seeing," Mr Bates said. Richard was amused now and was about to ask for more details when a shout came from the direction of the kitchen.

"Mr Barrow what did you put that in the bowl for!" Everyone in the servants hall, including Richard, laughed at the sound of Daisy shouting at the butler. Richard could resist no longer and headed for the kitchen, he stood just behind the door, mostly out of view, listening. Not that Thomas would notice him or anyone at this moment anyway, by the sounds of things.

"It’s flour Daisy. It goes in cake recipes, even I know that!"

"Not that flour you muppet! That's plain flour, you needed this one." Richard peered around the corner of the door frame to see a messy, but rather handsome Thomas, and Daisy holding up a jar clearly marked 'self-raising flour'.

"How was I supposed to know there was a difference? It's all flour in the end. Why didn't you say I needed that one?"

"Because I thought it was obvious that you would use self raising for a muffin recipe. You really haven't done this before have you?" Daisy asked.

"No of course not. Not exactly in my job description," Thomas said.

"You said Richard can cook and he was a valet," Daisy added.

"Yes, well that's different. I don't think there is anything that man cannot do," Thomas said. Richard smiled and bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud. "I guess I ruined this batch too then?"

"Well no, not completely. It turned out better than before, so you're making progress," Daisy said.

"Well this one is still in the bowl and not all over the floor, you mean?" Thomas said. Richard reckoned that explained why Charlotte was rushing to the kitchen with a mop earlier.

"Yes and it looks alright too, smells good which is a good sign, they just won't turn out like muffins. More like chocolate biscuits," Daisy said, smirking.

Thomas frowned, "You can stop laughing at me you know."

"Sorry. Look, everyone has to make mistakes whilst learning new things. If you don't then you will never get the hang of them. As long as they taste good then does it really matter?"

Thomas sighed, "No, I suppose not."

Richard chose this moment to make his presence known. "Is it safe to come in now?" He said jokingly, holding his hands up in surrender as if entering a war zone.

Thomas stared at him. "What are you doing here? You're early. Can't you ever be on time or a bit late even?" Richard guessed Thomas was a little embarrassed by the whole setting and situation.

"You know me, I never like to be late." Thomas rolled his eyes at that. "And I do like to surprise people."

"How much of that did you see?" Thomas asked, flatly.

"Enough to know that I agree that whatever you are making smells devine, Thomas." Daisy had put the tray of muffins/biscuits in the oven and Charlotte was cleaning up over near the sink. Richard moved further into the room. "I don't know how to do everything Thomas. The fact that I spent yesterday afternoon with my head underneath the sink in the bathroom, to try and work out why the water was not working, only to find the tap wasn't actually connected to the pipes, proves that enough."

Thomas loved that Richard had said something to make himself look a fool in front of the others, in order to make him feel less of one. "Well if you don't mind us waiting an hour while they cook, then you can try them yourself and then pass judgement. We could have some tea while we wait? Though I should clean up here first," Thomas said, sounding tired.

"Don't mind waiting, I am early like you said," Richard said.

"I'll sort things out in here Mr Barrow," Daisy said. "You look done in."

"If you don't mind? Thank you Daisy," Thomas said.

...

"Don't look half bad Thomas," Richard said, as Thomas was placing the muffin/biscuits on a cooking rack after taking them out of the oven an hour later. Thomas was just relieved that they were not burnt.

"I'll try actual muffins next time," Thomas said. "That's if Daisy can spare putting up with me for another few hours some time?"

"I won't mind Mr Barrow. This was...interesting," she said smiling.

"Oh those do smell good Mr Barrow," Mrs Hughes said, coming into the kitchen.

"You're welcome to help yourself when they've cooled, Mrs Hughes. You could take a few back to Mr Carson if you like? Though don't tell him that they were not supposed to be biscuits," Thomas offered.

"I will thank you Mr Barrow," she said. "I'll tell him you made them."

Thomas hesitated. "I'm not sure he'd approve of a butler in the kitchen."

"Maybe not, but he's not exactly the best in the kitchen either so he can't really comment negatively," she said.

Richard, who clearly couldn't just stand next to a tray of chocolate smelling cakes, decided to try one that was still warm. "We will forget that you intended to bake muffins, Thomas. These are rather good."

"Well they do say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Daisy said, eye widening when she realized what she just said, Mrs Hughes giving her a look. Thomas and Richard both went silent for a moment, seemingly caught in each other's gaze. Charlotte, who had just finished cleaning up the table, looked back and forth between Mr Ellis and Mr Barrow, before the penny suddenly dropped in her mind.  _ Well that explains a lot,  _ she thought to herself.

"We should get a move on Thomas, ceilings won't paint themselves," Richard said, snapping them both out of that moment, where they were caught between an odd combination of fear and wonder.

"Yes, yes," Thomas said, grabbing a biscuit and quickly following Richard out of the kitchen.

...

"I'd thought we could paint the bedroom walls and ceiling, I've pretty much sorted the other rooms," Richard said, as he unlocked the side door to the flat, behind the shop, Thomas following him inside.

"You must have been doing nothing else, all these days Richard. I feel like I should have been down here helping more," Thomas said, shutting the door behind him.

"I didn't want to take advantage of your good nature Thomas, and I know how busy you are, since you are the one out of both of us who is actually working," Richard said.

Thomas smirked, "People don't usually describe me like that."

"Well like it or not, Thomas, you are a good person. I can see that," Richard said, taking off his jacket and then his shirt, leaving him topless for a moment, before putting on another less smart shirt that was hanging over the back of a chair. Thomas still, even after all these years, couldn't take his eyes off him. Richard then picked up some brushes off the kitchen table, and headed back out of the room again and towards the stairs, knowing Thomas would follow him. Thomas took a deep breath in and bit his lower lip, before following. "You have a choice of either the ladder or a couple of wooden boxes on top of each other, to stand on. I only have one ladder," Richard said, once they were in the bedroom. They had passed through the living room on the way to the bedroom, and as far as Thomas could tell, it was pretty much finished. There was even a clock on the mantelpiece.

"Hand isn't so good with ladders, I'll go for the boxes," Thomas said, holding up his gloved hand.

"You know this is the finishing touch, this room," Richard said. "You could move in after that."

"Missing a bit of furniture though," Thomas said, looking around the room.

"All that is taken care of," Richard said.

"And the other bedroom? What are your plans for that?" Thomas asked.

"We keep it tidy, but looking lived in. Keep the bed made up, the curtains open during the day, closed at night. A lamp on at the window in the evening, when you come home," Richard said, taking a pot of paint and resting it on the ledge at the top of the ladder, before climbing half way up it. "Just so any nosey neighbours won't suspect anything." Thomas nodded. _He has thought this through,_ he thought. "But of course, we will be in here."

"It's gonna be strange. I've never known anywhere other than Downton for most of my life," Thomas said, standing on top of the boxes and painting his part of the ceiling.

"Reckon you can get used to it, Mr Barrow?" Richard said, his eyes twinkling.

"I think I can manage, yes," Thomas said.

Richard climbed back down the ladder, to move it to another part of the room. Thomas had moved the boxes he was standing on also, but as he climbed back onto them, they wobbled causing him to almost lose his balance. "I think we will abandon using those as a makeshift ladder Thomas. I'd rather have you in one piece when you move in," Richard said. "Here, you use the ladder."

"I'd be safer on these, my hand doesn't have the ability to hold on as well," Thomas said. He hated the fact that his hand decided not to work in the way that it should sometimes, it made him feel old.

"No problem, climb up a few steps. I'll hold you," Richard said. So Thomas found himself in a situation that he'd happily admit was rather pleasant. Halfway up a ladder, painting the ceiling of their soon-to-be bedroom, with Richard holding him. One hand on his waist at his belt, one a little further down. "How are you doing up there?" Richard asked.

"Great," Thomas answered. He was too busy trying to calm his beating heart, that had sped up with the feel of Richard's hands on his backside, to either give a more detailed answer or do much actual painting.

"I was thinking," Richard began, talking casually as if nothing was happening. "When we are all settled in here, I might write to Izzie. Ask if she wants to come and visit."

"Yeah good," Thomas said, still not properly listening, his mind on other things.

"I'd thought we'd also go to London zoo and steal an elephant to keep as a pet here," Richard said.

"Right, good," Thomas said.

Richard laughed, "Thomas are you even listening?"

"Thomas shuffled around, and looked down. "Course, why?"

"Well you just agreed to us getting an elephant," Richard said.

"Oh."

"Hmm."

"Well it is hard to concentrate on much, you are being very distracting," Thomas said.

"Am I?" Richard said, innocently.

"What did you ask me?"

"If you are okay with me inviting Izzie over here once things are settled?" Richard said.

Thomas stepped off the ladder, and turned his back to it, facing Richard. "That will be nice. Will be good to see her again."

"Good, I'll write to her," Richard said, not taking his eyes off the man opposite him.

"What?" Thomas asked, as Richard was looking at him.

"Oh nothing. Just pleased that you find me distracting," Richard said.

"And annoying," Thomas added.

"Sure," Richard said, before they kissed, arms wrapped around each other, Richard's hand just below Thomas's belt again.


	7. 7

It was the following Saturday, the days becoming shorter due to them creeping into the beginning of October, with Autumn starting to cause a chill in the air. Thomas had been working as usual, today had been quiet, with nothing particularly either urgent or special happening at the house. The same however, could not be said for his own life, which as of Saturday evening, was about to take a bit of a turn. Today was quite possibly the biggest day of his life. Now, this would be something that normal people would say on their wedding day, but Thomas was getting as close as he could as of this evening. But sitting at his desk that afternoon, the day's tasks almost complete, his mind was wandering into the realms of anxiety again, and he was actually desperate for someone to throw a spanner in the works, in terms of the running of Downton, just so that he could have a distraction. It was stupid and he would tell himself that later when everything turns out okay, but was it normal to be scared about moving in with your boyfriend? Not scared, more apprehensive. It's not like he had anyone who could truly understand, who he could ask. He worried about what people might think, despite their careful cover of Thomas merely being a lodger. He worried about if being around Richard everyday would change their relationship for the worse, despite Richard's reassurances that he would never get bored of him. Every little thought about what could go wrong was in his head right now. He leaned forward and put his head in his hands, his elbows resting on the edge of the table, and in doing so he heard the clang of Richard's pendant that was underneath his shirt, as it hit the table. Thomas looked up again and took the pendant out of its hiding place and looked at it, gently rubbing the edges of it with his thumb. That was why he was doing this. It was why the worry was nothing compared to the reward of spending his life with Richard. Richard had found him, just when he needed him the most, when his life had purpose but still felt empty. He had found someone who gave up everything he had known for years to be close to him! Thomas smiled in awe as that thought struck him. "God that's amazing!" he said to himself, though he was pretty sure God had nothing to do with it.

...

Thomas didn't need to leave much time to pack up his life into a few cases, there wasn't much to show for it really. He couldn't forget one very important possession of his though. He took the cases that had been packed off his bed and pushed the bed to one side. Underneath one of the iron posts of the bed was a loose floorboard. He pulled it up and reached into a small gap underneath the floor, where he pulled out a collection of letters, all wrapped together into a bundle with string. He flicked through them, counting them to make sure none had been left behind. It wouldn't do for someone to come across these in the future. He had kept a correspondence with a few men in his life. Phillip's letters flashed into his mind for a moment, before he dismissed them. These though, were a record of his and Richard's relationship, right from the very first letter. As he flattened them out and opened a case to slip them in amongst his clothes, one letter fell out onto the bed. This letter was dated November 1929, so after he had spent a few days with Richard in London. A few lines caught his eye,  _ 'Everyday I miss you. Everyday all I wish for is to hold you, for you just to be here. I remind myself though that as I watch the sunset, you are watching the same one. So we are not so very far away really. We are always connected by that. When I look at the stars, the same stars are watching you, my love.'  _ Thomas fondly stroked his fingers over the words, ' _ Richard is a romantic,'  _ he thought to himself. He picked up his bags and opened the door, turning around to close it behind him for the last time. He found himself just standing there, unable to shut the door just yet. He never imagined he'd ever call anywhere else home, and it felt strange leaving. "Are you okay Thomas?" Thomas jumped, so caught up in his own thought that he didn't hear Phyllis come down the corridor. "Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you," she said.

Thomas regained his composure. "Quite alright, though you are on the wrong side of that door," Thomas said, looking down the hallway to the door that seperated the men's and women's rooms. It wasn't usually locked these days.

"Oh I'm sure no one will mind," Phyllis said, lightly.

"It might cause quite a scandal, Miss Baxter," Thomas said. Phyllis was happy to see a twinkle in his eye. Thomas turned and looked back to his room again. There was silence between the two friends for a moment. "You know. I never thought..." Thomas began, unsure how to finish that sentence.  _ 'Never thought I'd ever leave for something better. Never thought I'd leave with a part of me already missing this place. Never thought I'd ever be loved by anyone.'  _ Either one of those endings to that sentence could apply.

...

"You're off then, Mr Barrow?" Anna asked, as Thomas was leaving.

"I am," Thomas said, simply, not wanting to give too many of his emotions away right now.

"Just want you to know, we do all wish you the best," she said.

"You make it sound as if I am leaving for good! You do know I'll be back in the morning," Thomas said, light-heartedly. Phyllis then surprised him, by giving him a hug. Anna laughed at his surprised expression.

"What was that for? Honestly, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm merely sleeping in a different place, really makes no difference to you," Thomas said.

"Well that was because I am happy for you Thomas. Whether or not you choose to accept it. And you are wrong, of course it is more than just sleeping in a different place! It's a big moment," she said.

"Pointless to argue then," Thomas said.

"Yes it is. Now, do one thing for me Thomas. Admit that you deserve this, to be happy," Phyllis said.

"I don't like making promises, Miss Baxter, but I will promise you that," Thomas said, putting on his hat and opening the door. "Goodnight, I'll see you both tomorrow morning."

...

It was a dark walk into the village, back home. It was going to take a bit of time to get used to calling it his home, and not just Richard's home. The dark never bothered him much. To people like him and Richard, the darkness was an ally. Perfect for those who had no choice but to live their lives hidden away in the shadows, for only there could they ever shine brightly. As he walked through the streets of Downton Village, he instinctively kept himself out of the glare of the street lights, and in the darkness that surrounds them, pulling his coat up and his hat further over his face. He felt like a criminal, and he supposed, technically, he was. He had done this way of walking many times before, going to visit men for an evening or a night, wishing to remain invisible. This was not what he was doing though, and he couldn't sneak home forever, but right now he felt like he was only visiting. He turned into a narrow alley, around the side of Richard's shop. There was a light coming from the small window in the door, indicating that Richard was in the kitchen. Thomas felt for his key in his coat pocket, that Richard had given him last week, and let himself in.

...

Thomas shut the door behind him, and took off his coat and put it on the hook near the door, next to Richard's. Just doing that helped all this sink in. He walked into the kitchen. Richard was there with his feet up on a chair, a copy of Dickens  _ Great Expectations _ in his hand. Richard looked up, "You're home. Made it then?" he said, putting the book down, open so he could continue later, and stood up and met Thomas halfway across the room, taking him in his arms and kissing him. Every doubt that had plagued Thomas that day, suddenly disappeared. This was the right thing to do and he deserved it. So he let Richard kiss him, before he kissed him back, the warmth of him, killing off the bitterness of the night air that still clung to him. Thomas pulled back, feeling happily flushed. "Yes, we have," Thomas said. They both knew that they weren't just talking about Thomas getting home today.

"Have you eaten?" Richard asked a bit later on. They were still downstairs in the kitchen.

"I did," Thomas said, leaning freely against Richard. Thomas looked at the book on the table. "Different one from last time."

"Well I do own a bookshop," Richard said. Thomas turned himself around a bit and leaned over to kiss him. Richard eagerly responded. Tonight was special. It became apparent after a few minutes that neither man could get enough of the other. They both stood up, still in each other's embrace. Richard pushed the chair away from the table, by kicking it behind him, and Thomas found himself half sitting, half leaning on the table edge. Thomas pushed off Richard's jacket. He had a dark red waistcoat on. Thomas made a mental note that he liked red on Richard.

"Bedroom?" Thomas murmured.

"Mmm," Richard replied, his tongue in Thomas' mouth. They only made it to the bottom of the stairs before Richard pushed off Thomas's jacket, the buttons clattering as they hit the stairs as it fell, their lips never parting each other in the process. Richard, in Thomas's mind, was still too far overdressed, so whilst he was leaving warm kisses on Thomas's neck, below his left ear and just above his bottom jaw, Thomas cast off the waistcoat from Richard's chest, not noticing where it landed.

They were half way up the stairs now. Up until now, Richard had been leading the way, but Thomas turned the tables when Richard, who was somehow climbing the stairs backwards, stumbled, his foot catching the step behind him. Thomas grabbed the man in front and slightly above him, with an arm around the waist, before pushing him back against the wall on the stairs. Richard wasted no time in removing Thomas's shirt from him, he had no intention of hanging around on the stairs when they had a perfectly good bedroom of their own finally. He undid most of the buttons, whilst Thomas was kissing him eagerly again, his teeth catching Richard's lower lip, which only sped up Richard's efforts and therefore, he heard the last button on Thomas's shirt pop off and bounce down a few of the stairs below them. No matter, he could mend that for him in the morning.

By the time they had made it to the top of the stairs and through the living room, to the small hallway that led to the bedrooms, neither of them were clothed from waist up. And as soon as they were in their bedroom, Richard hurriedly removed the rest of his own clothing, and before Thomas could blink he found himself falling back onto their bed onto a welcomely soft mattress, Richard on top of him. It was dark, but that seemed to emphasise the smoothness of Richard's back, that Thomas knew now off by heart. "This is a bit uneven," Thomas said, referring to himself not being completely undressed.

Richard chuckled into his ear, and it sent warm shivers down through Thomas's body. "So it is. Allow me to rectify the situation, Mr Barrow," Richard said, undoing the belt on Thomas's trousers.

"Better," Thomas said, not long after, the two of them rolling over so that now, Thomas was on top.

They hadn't even thought about shutting the bedroom door, as now, there simply was no need.

...

Thomas woke first, the next morning, the sun shining through the window behind the bed, happily gazing at the man he loves next to him. Richard was lying, still asleep, on his side, facing Thomas. His hair, messy from last night's adventures. The morning sun behind Richard cast him in a golden glow, that combined with his naturally tanned skin, made Thomas mentally compare him to the god Apollo. He looked beautiful. As a boy, Thomas was told that proper men don't ever look 'pretty' or 'beautiful'. But the way that Richard's eyelashes flickered occasionally- well, Thomas could think of no other word to describe him by.  _ 'This is heaven, and I will happily stay like this with you, forever,'  _ Thomas silently said to Richard as he watched him, the brightness of the sunrise increasing every minute.

Thomas stopped.  _ 'Sunrise. Shit.' _ "Shit!" he said, outloud this time.

"Well good morning to you too darling," Richard said, blinking several times.

"I'm late Richard," Thomas said.

"Wouldn't say that. In my opinion, you timed everything perfectly last night. Several times in fact," Richard said, playfully.

"Richard!” Thomas rolled his eyes at Richard’s flirting. “What time is it?" Thomas asked.

Richard lazily fumbled around with his hand behind him on the bedside table, eventually finding the clock. "Oh um, seven."

"Crap," Thomas said, jumping out of bed naked, and quickly pulled on his underwear and trousers. Richard laughed, Thomas shot him a glare. "Yeah well, hope that I'm not fired. If not then we can laugh about this."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. They love you up there."

"Wouldn't say that but thanks," Thomas said, looking urgently around the room for his shirt. All his clothes were still packed into his cases downstairs. "Where's my shirt?"

"Um, probably on the stairs. Or maybe in the living room. Can't remember," Richard said. "Though it lost a button or two. I wasn't very careful I don't think."

"No you weren't." Thomas couldn't help but smile.

"Use mine. Top of the stairs I think. Or halfway down," Richard said. "Yours will be as good as new by the time you get home."

"Right, thanks," Thomas said, in a hurry, running out the room.

"Thomas!" Richard called out.

"Yes, what?" Thomas asked, coming back in.

"You forgot something," Richard said, beckoning Thomas back over to the bed, before reaching across and kissing him. Time slowed for just a moment.

Thomas beamed. "I'll see you. I love you," Thomas said, before leaving.

Thomas found Richard's shirt at the top of the stairs, and then his halfway down. He smiled as he saw that Richard's waistcoat had landed on the stair rail.

...

By some miracle, Thomas had made it to Downton just after half past seven in the morning. He hoped to sneak into his office without being noticed, so he could tidy himself up a little bit. This failed however, when Phyllis saw him quietly closing the backdoor. "Good morning, Mr Barrow," she said. " We were wondering about sending someone down to see if you were alright."

"Oh um, yes. Overslept I'm afraid," Thomas said, trying to stay expressionless.

"Understandable I suppose."

"Yes. I reckon I've missed our breakfast right?" Thomas said, trying to change the subject.

"You have, but I'll get you something after you come back downstairs later. The family won't know you were late since you are here now," she said.

"Thank you," Thomas said, gratefully.

"How was your first night away from here?" She asked, as Thomas began to walk away.

Thomas paused before, turning to answer her. "Perfect, Miss Baxter," Thomas said, not able to hide his smile this time.


	8. 8

Wednesday morning and Thomas, whilst half-asleep, stretched absentmindedly over to Richard's side of the bed in the morning. Finding the bed empty next to him, he woke a little more and looked over to the clock next to him, which reminded him that he should be getting up too. Since he moved in for real the weekend before, they had managed to establish a rhythm in terms of the way that they live, that seemed to be working well. Thomas always had to get up earlier than Richard, since he had to get up to the Abbey in time each morning and Richard didn't have to open up the shop until nine, and Sundays he didn't have to open at all. Sometimes Thomas would have breakfast at Downton, other times he'd leave a little later and have it with Richard. Same was said for evening meals. As butler, Thomas thought it was a good idea to eat at Downton some of the time, though when it suited him, he'd spent the evening at home, arriving earlier than normal. When he arrived home, he would do the same thing each time when he went upstairs. It was part of their plan to keep up the appearance of Thomas using a seperate room. He would turn on the lamp at the window of 'his' room, draw the curtains when it got dark, and allow himself to be seen in the room to any nosy neighbours who couldn't keep their noses out of other people's lives. It wouldn't do for people to notice that the room was never used.

Today he would have breakfast down with Richard, and go to Downton after. As long as he was there in time for upstairs breakfast then it didn't matter. He assumed, by the smell of toast from the kitchen, that Richard was already making it. After freshening up and getting dressed he went downstairs where his assumption was proved correct. "Some time I feel like I should make breakfast, you always seem to be doing it," Thomas said, walking into the room and over to the sink to fill up a glass of water, greeting Richard, who had two eggs in his hand, with a kiss.

"I don't mind. I have more time than you do, and besides maybe cooking isn't your strong point," Richard teased.

"Well no, but I'm not a complete idiot. I know how to boil an egg," Thomas said, sitting down at the table.

Richard popped the eggs into the boil on the stove behind where Thomas was sitting. Richard stood behind him and put both his hands on Thomas' shoulders, whilst leaning down to speak softly into Thomas' ear. "I know. Forgive me?"

Thomas couldn't stop the shiver that radiated through his body, as Richard's breath tickled his ear. "Always. Though there is nothing to forgive, you are right that you are better than me. Just didn't want you to feel like you had to do it. You don't need to get up as early as me."

"I don't mind that either. I've been waking early my whole life, so it doesn't phase me. Anyway, I do have to try and sort out those," Richard said, sitting opposite Thomas and glancing at a pile of books on the other end of the table. "Turns out running a shop means you need to keep track of the figures, and numbers aren't my strong point either. I had a glance at things and we're making more than we're spending."

"Well that's a good sign right?"

"Yes, but I want to understand things properly and know the details. Which is why I was wondering about hiring someone to do this side of things for me. You know, a book keeper," Richard said, stirring another spoon of sugar into his tea.

"Can you afford too?" Thomas asked.

"We can, I reckon," Richard answered. "Things have been going smoothly. With your help, the loan on this place is on track with being repaid, and I already have regular customers."

Thomas smiled. "Let me guess- Moseley?"

"Correct! He praises me everytime he is here for opening in Downton and not elsewhere like in York. He said the other day that I have created, and I quote, 'A centre of intellect'." Richard got up and took the eggs out of the pan that were now ready.

Thomas laughed. "You should put that on a sign above the door!"

Richard brought the eggs over, Thomas grabbed the toast and butter. "Perhaps I should," Richard said, after dipping his toast in his egg.

"Oh! And another thing, I got a letter from Izzie yesterday," Richard said, changing the subject. "I wrote to her last week asking if she'd like to visit sometime and she's coming this evening. I should have told you yesterday, but you fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow last night. Would you be able to eat here tonight?"

"I shouldn't think that would be a problem, it will be good to see her again. Does she have anywhere to stay?"

"She said that she's sorted something out, she's travelling up here today," Richard explained. "I was wondering about making a cake, I've got a few hours before opening."

"Well, I will leave that to you," Thomas said.

"Probably should," Richard said, grinning.

"You're terrible," Thomas joked, as he got up from the table.

"I know!" Richard said happily, as Thomas playfully slapped him on the shoulder.

...

The train steamed through the countryside on its way from London to Yorkshire. Izzie put the magazine that she had been reading, down on the small table in front of her. It was beginning to rain, the rain making trails along the windows of the coach. It was sunny in the distance though, and the sun was glinting on these little rain drops, illuminating them in different colours, if one looked closely enough. The article that she had just read was of particular interest to her as it was her own. Her mother would have told her that having pride is a sin, but she could see nothing wrong with being pleased to see her own name at the top of the article, published in colour. If she did have pride in herself, then so what? She had taken a long time and a lot of work to get there so she figured she deserved to be pleased with her achievements. Besides, her achievements had allowed her a better income and as a result, she was travelling in second class not third. She still wouldn't be able to make a regular habit of this though. However, this trip was for a special reason. It had been strange not having her dear friend Richard Ellis around nearby in London. They had always been nearby each other, she had moved to London not long after Richard had, after growing up in York together. Richard was like a brother to her, she knew all his secrets and he knew hers. She did have an actual brother but like her parents, he turned his back on her too long ago. She had always been different, before she knew why, and the fact that Richard was the same, allowed them both to help each other understand who they were. She had seen Richard in his worst moments, when he returned broken in his mind from the war, and in his best when he returned from a trip to Yorkshire that he hadn't told her any details about before he travelled. Only thing he had said was that he was meeting someone. He spent a long time after that, acting differently. He once came over to her place in Notting Hill just to use the telephone, which she didn't understand since he had use of the one in the palace. It was after that, when she finally found out why her friend was constantly floating around in a heavenly daze, when Richard finally spilt the beans and told her about Thomas Barrow. After meeting Thomas when he came to London for a few days, it was obvious why Richard was so stricken over him. Apart from the fact that the man was the living defination of 'tall, dark and handsome', there was just something about the way they were around each other that was perfect. They complimented each other perfectly. Richard gave Thomas the confidence he needed, and Thomas was the companion that Richard had needed for years when he had been lonely before. So when Richard had told her of his plans to move to Downton and how Thomas was moving in with him, she had to be happy for them both. They had waited long enough.

...

The light was fading as Thomas made his way home that evening. The rain that had been falling earlier had thankfully stopped, leaving the air smelling fresh. He had managed to get away a bit earlier than he normally would, though Izzie would have been visiting now for a couple of hours. He figured though that they would need some time to catch up before he arrived back, so this arrangement worked well for all three of them. The first stars were coming out when he turned into the narrow path that led to their side door, allowing him to enter without going through the shop. The kitchen light was off, but he saw Izzie's coat hanging by the door, and as he climbed the staircase to their flat and the living room, he heard Izzie burst out laughing. Thomas was hoping the walls were thick enough to not annoy the neighbours as she had a loud laugh. It was nice to hear though, and he immediately was curious to know what was so funny. He opened the door at the top of the stairs. "Oh Thomas! Finally! You were missing out on all the fun. I was wondering if I would have to march right up to Downton and demand that they let their butler go!" Izzie said, getting up and giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, before he even had the chance to open his mouth to speak.

"This is actually early for me, but I appreciate the thought. It's good to see you again Izzie. Been a while hasn't it?" Thomas said, sitting down next to Richard, who took no time to kiss him too, though this time on the lips. It was unusual for them to be able to behave like a couple when they had company.

"It has been too long Thomas, but you're still looking as dashing as you were when I first met you," Izzie said, sitting back down and helping herself to the cake that was on the table, the one he assumed Richard made earlier this morning. Thomas would have to try to get used to her forwardness.

"So what was so funny earlier before I came in?" Thomas asked.

"We were reminiscing old memories that involve these," Richard said, passing Thomas a paper bag that was full of squares of fudge.

"Okay now I'm intrigued," Thomas said, taking some from the bag. He was not ashamed to admit that he had a sweet tooth.

"These were Richard's favourite as a boy," Izzie explained. "There was this sweet shop in York that all the children in our neighbourhood used to go to. Richard and I bought some one Saturday afternoon. Richard had been given a bit of money for his birthday, his eighth I think, and as every wise eight year old did, decided to spend it all in that shop and all on cream fudge."

"I had a couple of large bags of the stuff in the end. I had one on Saturday then the rest I ate secretly throughout Sunday morning whilst in church," Richard said. Thomas relaxed back into the chair and put his arm around Richard's shoulders. "Unfortunately for me, that Sunday there was afternoon tea and cakes in the field behind the church. So I had several cakes along with the two bags of fudge that I had, by that time, finished. And as a result I began to feel a bit ill," Richard said, smirking.

"To put it bluntly, he was sick all over the vicar's lovely shiny shoes!" Izzie said, bursting out laughing once more.

Richard and Thomas joined her in that. "You know, I reckon that was the fateful day that the vicar decided there was something he didn't like about me," Richard said. "My punishment was to clean the whole of the church over the next week after school. And you never let me hear the end of it for ages," Richard said to Izzie. "In fact you only brought these to remind me of the idiot that I was, I bet?"

"Maybe," Izzie said. She reached into the bag next to her and pulled out a couple of bottles of wine. "Wine gentlemen?" She asked in her mock upperclass voice.

"Don't mind if I do," Richard said. "Thomas?"

"Yes lovely, though if we are to get through both those bottles I may need carrying to Downton tomorrow," Thomas said.

"Perhaps. One is for this evening, the other is for you two tonight so you forget anything foolish that I might end up saying," Izzie said.

"And knowing you, that is entirely possible," Richard joked. "I'll just get some glasses from downstairs."

"You and Richard seem to be doing well. This must have been a bit of change for you both," Izzie said to Thomas as Richard left the room.

"It was, going from seeing him a few days a year to every day. It has taken a bit of time to let that sink in," Thomas said. Despite knowing that he could talk openly to Izzie, it was odd going against his instincts.

"Yes it must have been. But you're happy?"

"I am very much, yes." Thomas felt a shy smile form on his face. "What about you, if I can ask? Are you and Lucy still...?" Thomas wasn't sure how to ask what he wanted too. He was not good at such frank conversations about himself, let alone anyone else.

"Are we still together?" Izzie finished Thomas's question for him. "Yes we are now. We had a little trouble last year, but it's all okay now." Richard came back in, carrying a tray with glasses on in one hand, whilst shutting the door with the other. "As you know Lucy worked at Selfridges in Oxford Street."

"Yes we ran into her there," Thomas said.

"Well everything had been fine for years until they employed a new head of sales, who took a disliking to Lucy when she confronted him on something she disagreed with. He was the sort of man who didn't like to be told how to do things. Especially by a woman," Izzie explained. "Anyway, I don't know how he found out about her, but he did. So before he could do anything, she handed in her notice and left. She works in another part of London now," Izzie poured herself a glass of wine and drank it in one. "After that, well I thought it was all sorted. But the incident had scared her and she later came to tell me that she couldn't keep on seeing me anymore as she had found someone else. I couldn't believe her, and I told Richard all of this."

"They had been doing well as far as I was aware for years, so I did some digging and found out where she works and went to see her," Richard said.

"It turned out that she wasn't seeing anyone else. She only said that to me so that I would be kept out of any trouble should that bastard at Selfridges decide to take things further," Izzie said. Thomas felt the passion in her voice. "He didn't and so we patched things up, and picked up where we left off."

"Gosh, well I'm glad to hear it. Though as usual the blackmailer gets away. We've had our share of that," Thomas said, glancing at Richard, the memory of events a few years ago coming to mind.

"Maybe, but they didn't win. In either of our cases did they?" Izzie said.

Richard took Thomas's hand in his. "No they didn't. We only get small victories so have to make the most of them when they come our way," he said.

"More wine?" Izzie asked.

"No, not for me," Thomas said. "Whilst these sorts of conversations need them. Since moving here I have already turned up late, so I don't think I should tempt my luck anymore."

"He gets sleepy when he drinks," Richard explains, fondly. "And he snores."

"I do not!" Thomas exclaims.

Richard and Izzie laughed, whilst Thomas tried to remain annoyed. "Are you staying in Downton tonight, or do you need to stay here?" Richard asked.

"Oh I've found myself a room above the pub," Izzie said. "I wouldn't want to get in the way of you two." Thomas blushed, much to his annoyance. He used to be so good at controlling which emotions he gave away. He liked Izzie, and it was safe to say that he had never met anyone quite like her.


	9. 9

It was late Friday morning when Thomas was on his way to the post office with a few letters. Another for Jimmy, to tell him about everything that had happened since he last wrote to him and others concerning Downton. He did not have the afternoon off but the Crawleys had chosen to go out for the afternoon, leaving many of the staff that remained, with some free time. He had given them all the afternoon off once any jobs that needed to be completed had been finished. He also therefore, had some unexpected free time. If he had known about it in advance then he and Richard could have gone out for the day, but he didn't so was content in being home for most of the day. He was about to walk into the post office when he caught a few words of the conversation going on between a few women inside. Being a dab hand at eavesdropping he decided to hang back outside the open door and listen in, and judging by the subject of their conversation, he was glad that he did.

"She just turned up at his door, in her fancy bright red coat, in the evening. I mean, it was hardly discrete. It wasn't even dark!" Thomas heard one woman say.

"She wasn't from around here clearly. Reckon she'd be a friend from London. He used to live there I heard," another woman said.

"Bit more than a friend I reckon. She didn't leave until late. I saw out of my window." Thomas rolled his eyes, whilst lighting a cigarette.  _ Do these people have anything better to do than poke their noses into other people's lives? _

"Maybe they just got talking?"

"No don't be silly. It was more of that. I am certain of it. Why else would she stay so late?"

"Well I am actually glad that he's seeing someone." The older sounding woman said. "For two reasons. Firstly, I can tell my daughter to stop making eyes at him. He may be young but he's still too old for her. And secondly, I did wonder about him. If there was something wrong with him. I mean, Mr Barrow lives there too now, and we all know what they say about him." Thomas felt himself go rigid. He hated being talked about, especially like that, like he is some sort of pest.

"Yes I see what you mean. It is improper, but they are both from London, maybe things are different there. And it is a relief that he is not one of them." Thomas had heard enough now. He stamped out his cigarette below his shoe and boldly walked into the post office, which immediately put a stop to their conversation about him, Richard and Izzie. After posting his letters, and enjoying the feeling of awkwardness coming off the three women, he stopped several paces away from the post office and breathed out a rather shaky breath. He was annoyed to find that his hands were shaking. He shouldn't be bothered about a bit of gossip, especially when they didn't suspect anything about him and Richard. But he didn't like the way that they spoke about Izzie and about how they drew conclusions so quickly. He felt angry and wanted to take it out on someone, like in the old days, but his thoughts were abruptly halted when he heard someone say his name from behind him.

"Thomas." Thomas didn't turn around immediately to the person saying his name as he didn't think he'd ever hear this person's voice ever again. He was convinced in that split second, that he was mistaken, that it couldn't possibly be him, not after all these years. He had to be mistaken. But he knew that voice and he knew that he wasn't.

He turned around. "Chris?"

"Hello again Thomas. Been a while hasn't it?" Thomas was right. The man who had shown him heaven over four years ago, Chris Webster was standing there in front of him, that same mischievous grin on his face that he had when he had first met Thomas at that bar in York. Thomas's mind was flooding with memories of their few hours together, when they were normal for a short time, before heaven came crashing down around them. When lives were ruined. It was a lot to be sprung upon him and as a result, Thomas stood for a while not sure what to say to the man. "You probably should say something to me Thomas, or people might wonder why you are staring at me so intently," Chris said.

"Yes, um. I'm sorry, it's just I never expected to see you again. Bit of a shock really," Thomas said.

"Well it's nice to know I have that effect on you," Chris said, his eyes gleaming.  _ I'm asking for trouble here,  _ Thomas thought. He looked pretty much the same as he did when Thomas last saw him, well at a glance. A few things were different. He seemed to have a slight limp in his left leg, that he was trying to hide, and Thomas suspected that this cheerful personality was a bit of an act.

"How are you here?" Thomas asked, probably meaning to ask 'Why' instead of 'How'.

"I got out. Finally," Chris said simply, though it didn't take a genius to work out what he meant. "We could talk further. I'd like too, since I came to see you, though not here." Chris glanced in the direction of the open post office door. "Those old bats in there will have every secret I spill spread all over the village in no time otherwise."

It was Thomas's turn to smile now. "My thoughts exactly. Follow me, I know a place where we can talk."

...

Thomas felt guilty when he and Chris approached the edge of the woodland that he had spent a lot of time with Richard in over the years during his many visits to come to see him from London. This was their space, and it felt like a betrayal to Richard for some reason. Thomas quickly told himself to get over himself. They were just going to talk. No harm in that. "No one ever comes this way. Unless you are worried about what the rabbits might say, then you have no fear of being overheard here." They sat down on a pile of logs, lying at the base of a large evergreen tree. Chris didn't answer, just followed Thomas's lead, sitting down after him, a bit slower than a man his age should be. Thomas felt Chris looking at him, as if he couldn't believe that he was really there.

"Took me a year or so to find the courage to come and find you. I wondered about turning up at Downton Abbey but thought better of it. That would have exposed us both to too much gossip. So I've been hanging around the village, hoping to bump into you."

"You never struck me as a man lacking in confidence," Thomas said. "You took one look at me in that pub and then asked me to come with you. Quite forward behaviour I think."

"Things can be an act most of the time," Chris said, looking uncharacteristically vulnerable in that moment. He stretched his leg out in front of him and winced. He caught Thomas's look of concern. "I forget sometimes that it's like this."

"What happened?" Thomas asked. Chris had no limp before. Between the two of them, they had danced a fine tango, even though he said it himself.

"Prison happened Thomas," Chris said bluntly. "Three years of mistreatment by the scum of society, and my fellow prisoners. Breaks anyone. You did well to escape when you did. Whoever got you out, well I hope you thanked them well." That brought flashbacks to the front of Thomas' mind once more. This time of Richard, looking handsome, leaning against that car in the dark, the feel of his leather glove on Thomas's lips.

"Some of the inmates did this?" Thomas asked, feeling angry.

"Yes, though a couple of the guards joined in. They took a disliking to me, when they found out why I was there. Queers don't fare well in prison, I would have been treated better if I was in there for murder." Thomas looked down at his lap, biting his lip. "Don't worry Thomas, I gave as good as I got."

"How?"

"Well lets just say this. I punched one guy in the face so hard I broke his nose. And another man now has a much less handsome face, since he is now missing his two front teeth."

"Well done," Thomas found himself saying. They both laughed a little, despite the subject of conversation.

This made Chris smile again, so it was worth it. "Well I had my pride still you know, not going down without a fight." The two men sat in silence for several minutes, listening to the silent world around them, the only real noises coming from the wind whistling through the trees above them and the crowing of the rooks.

"I'm sorry I left you. I'm surprised you don't want revenge," Thomas said suddenly.

Chris turned to him with a quizzical look on his face. "Why would I want that? It was my own decision to be there and I knew the risks. I would have thought if anything, you'd be the one wanting revenge as you wouldn't have been there if it weren't for me."

"I don't know. I guess it is what would go through my mind. I act out, like to blame others. Not so much now, but it's who I am," Thomas said, truefully. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to take it all out on someone."

"Maybe I do, but I like you Thomas. I couldn't hurt you," Chris said softly. They both looked up at the same time, and seemed caught in each other's gaze before Thomas looked away.

"What are you going to do now?" Thomas said, changing the subject. "Do you have work?"

Chris shook his head. "Not easy to find anyway, and a no one wants to hire a queer man with a iffy leg."

"What did you do before?"

"I had a good job. Not the best paid, but secure and I was good at it. There is a grocers shop on the edge of York. The owner's son was supposed to inherit but he was killed in the war. He needed help with the day to day running of things. He also wasn't the best with numbers so I kept the figures straight, I've always been good with them. Reckon if I had more money I could have trained to be an accountant or something." Chris paused. "I went back to them after I got out. I thought they were good people, but they told me I was not welcome. Just shows you never truly know some people."

Thomas felt awful. As much as Chris didn't blame him at all, he still felt guilty. He had done for years really, and he wanted to do something, anything to try and fix things. "Do you have anywhere to stay tonight?" Thomas asked.

"I don't, but I'll sort something. I always do."

"You could stay with us," Thomas blurted out. "We have a spare room."

"I'm not sure my company will be welcome at Downton Thomas?"

"No, you see that's it. I don't live there anymore. I lodge with someone above the book shop in the village."

"Won't they question why you are bringing me back with you? If they even suspect anything about us, it will end badly," Chris warned.

"He won't mind.  _ He will understand,"  _ Thomas said, hoping Chris caught his emphasis.

"Oh I see. Still, he may still mind my presence."

"I'll persuade him. He'll trust me," Thomas said. "Come by the book shop after dark, there is a side door down the alley."  _ Oh I really hope I'm doing the right thing, _ Thomas thought.

...

"Thomas you have been hanging around me for a while now. What's the matter?" Richard asked. Thomas had been making himself busy that afternoon, tidying things that didn't really need tidying. Wandering into the shop, only to walk back into the kitchen again. He was looking preoccupied with something and his pacing around was beginning to get irritating.

"What?" Thomas said, jumping out of his thoughts. "Oh I’m fine. It’s nothing."  _ Except it's not nothing really, don't know why I'm so damn nervous about asking you,  _ Thomas thought.

"It clearly is something. You're looking lost," Richard said, pulling down the blind on the windows at the front of the shop. It had just gone five in the evening so he was shutting up shop for the day.

Thomas sighed. Richard wouldn't be satisfied with that answer. "I ran into someone today, outside the post office. Chris Webster," Thomas said, not meeting Richard's gaze.

Richard didn't say anything immediately. "He was the man you left me for in York, right?"

That didn't help Thomas's feeling of guilt. "I thought you never had a problem with me going with him?"

"No, you're right I didn't. We didn't know each other that well then, for all you knew I could have gone off with someone too. No that never bothered me," Richard said reassuringly.

Thomas nodded. "We had a chat. It's why I was back later than I said," Thomas began. "He was in prison for three years. Came out about a year ago. And I know you've said it before that I shouldn't feel guilty and that it is not my fault, but I can't help it that I do. I do feel guilty that I was the one who got away." Thomas felt himself growing anxious so he paused before continuing. "I want to help him Richard. What I was thinking isn't much but it's something."

"I'm listening."

"Not much, but he's not got anywhere to stay tonight so I was thinking he could stay with us. Just for tonight. He's leaving Downton tomorrow anyway."

"He'd have to be careful," Richard said. "Well we would have to be careful. He'd have to come and go unseen. After what you told me that you overheard this today, I think we should steer clear of giving people more reasons to talk."

"Wait, you're agreeing to this?" Thomas asked, surprised.

"Of course. We can help him, so we should. Besides, I reckon you've already asked him?"

"Well I was confident I could persuade you," Thomas said.

"No need to persuade me dear," Richard said, putting his hands on Thomas's hips, from behind. "You're very hard to say no too."


	10. 10

Later that evening, several hours after the sun had set, three men sat in the living room above the book shop. Richard should have been a bit worried that Chris Webster was a bit too good at slipping into other people's homes without a sound. They had left the door at the side, unlocked so that he wouldn't have to stand there and knock, as that may draw attention. But neither himself or Thomas had heard him come in, and he promised they wouldn't hear him leave in the small hours of the morning before sunrise either.  _ Maybe he had done this before, _ he thought.  _ He must have had to do whatever he needed to get by.  _ Richard remembered himself saying something very similar to Thomas over four years ago. He'd never actually met Chris of course, but he could see why Thomas left with him that evening after only speaking for a minute or so. The man was handsome and he had this confident feel about him that could put anyone at ease, although Richard reckoned that at least some of that confidence was just an act, to convince others or himself maybe. Although he and Thomas were only a few feet away across the room, Richard had already lost track of their subject of conversation. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to really listen to what the two of them were saying, and he was still on the same page of the book he had been reading ten minutes later. He wasn't blind. Chris liked Thomas. He was hanging on every word that Thomas was saying, his gaze very rarely leaving him alone. Izzie would tell him that he was an idiot allowing any jealousy into his mind. It was just a bit of flirtation and Thomas loved him. All the same, he'd be glad when this evening was over.

...

That night, Richard lay staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It was not like him to be awake still. These days he would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, unless Thomas had other ideas. "You okay darling?" Thomas said quietly, turning over to face him.

"Yeah," Richard said. He could feel Thomas's gaze watching him through the darkness, as though he was trying to read him for a more sufficient answer. "Does he love you?" he asked suddenly.

"No, that is, I don't think so, I guess I wouldn't know unless he told me," Thomas answered frankly. "Is that what you're worried about?"

"It was as if I wasn't there, earlier this evening. He looked happy talking with you," Richard said into the darkness.

"He was, but even if he does, I don't love him. He's nice and I'm thankful to him for showing me a glimpse of what is possible, but I love you Richard," Thomas said. Richard closed his eyes as Thomas kissed his cheek. "He could be a friend if he wasn't leaving, but I will only ever want you." Richard didn't answer. He just snuggled himself into Thomas, his arm over Thomas's waist, holding him tightly. Not long after that, Richard fell asleep, but Thomas was now concerned that his plan that he was going to put by Chris and Richard wouldn't be the best idea now.

...

It was early morning, the sun having not yet risen, although it was just beginning to brighten the eastern corner of a partly cloudy sky, when Thomas left to walk up to Downton for the day. He had eventually got to sleep, though he did not feel rested. He didn't know if Chris was still in Downton, although since the first train will not have left yet, he hoped that he was, since he had something to suggest, that he hoped Richard would agree too. It was the latter part that worried him the most. He didn't expect to find Chris however, so was cowardly thinking that he could forget the whole thing if he never had the chance to talk to Chris in the first place. This thought though was halted when he saw Chris standing below a tree to the side of the lane ahead of him. "You were right. We never heard you leave," Thomas said as he approached him. The fact that neither of them hadn't heard Chris leave that morning was a bit of a surprise, as they had forgotten to tell him where the spare key was kept in the kitchen so that he could let himself out. However, when Thomas came downstairs to leave, Chris had gone, but the key was still in its hiding place. Thomas wondered if they forgot to lock the door, but he was sure that they remembered. So he wondered instead, if Chris knew how to pick a lock?

"I have my ways Mr Barrow," he said.

"You haven't left yet then?"

"No. I wanted to thank you. Not just for last night, but for your company. Never got the chance you see," Chris said.

"It's fine. I wanted to help," Thomas said. "I was hoping to catch you actually. I was wondering if you could stay in Downton, or at least nearby, for another few days? There is something I'd hope to sort out."

"I don't exactly have anywhere I need to be in a hurry," Chris said with a smile, that to Thomas, looked kind of sad. "What are you thinking of?"

"Well you told me yesterday about your job before all this, and it got me thinking. Richard mentioned that he was thinking of hiring someone to look after the financial side of the business, and to help out. He runs the place single handedly and I think he could do with someone to help him. Since you've done that sort of job before, I was thinking he could hire you."

Chris looked doubtful. "Not sure that would be a good idea. I don't think he likes me Thomas."

"I wouldn't say that. He just doesn't know you," Thomas said. "Look, if he agrees, would you accept? I won't bother asking if you have no intention of accepting."

"I would accept. It's a bit to spring on a man this early in the morning, but I haven't had a job offer in a while, which would make me a fool for turning it down. Though it's Richard's job to give so I guess that depends on your powers of persuasion?"

Thomas hoped that the way Chris's eyes lit up at the suggestion, was because of the offer and not because of who was offering it. Chris took a step closer to Thomas. "You know I don't regret anything about our adventure in York Thomas. Despite the way it ended I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I suppose my only regret I guess is that we were interrupted, and that I didn't have the chance to get to know you better." Chris was now only a step away from Thomas, and for some reason Thomas found it hard to move back. It was inevitable then when Chris leaned forward and kissed Thomas, gently on the lips. This was not exactly a surprise. The surprise came when Thomas found himself, for a second, kissing him back, before he abruptly backed away from him.

"I can't," Thomas said.

"I know. I'm sorry," Chris said, running his hand through his hair.

"I like you, and I'd like it if we could be friends. But I'm with him Chris. We have something-"

"-Special?" Chris said, sadly. Thomas nodded. "I know, I just wanted to see if I had any chance of hoping." The two men turned their heads in the direction of the sound of voices, approaching them from down the lane. They didn't have much time.

"Will you still stay?" Thomas asked.

"Will you tell him about this?" Chris said.

"I will have too. I can't lie to him," Thomas said.

"Well I don't imagine my chances of him hiring me are much good now, but I'll stay," Chris said. The people approaching them were getting closer now. They had to hurry. "You are a rare one, Mr Barrow," Chris said. "I hope Richard knows how lucky he is." And before Thomas had the chance to reply, Chris had merged back into the woodland bordering the road, and Thomas had no choice but to continue on his way. Thomas's mind was a whirlwind full of doubts and questions, but one thing he was certain of was that this situation would test how strong his and Richard's relationship really is.


	11. 11

Thomas was down in the wine cellar. He had been down there for a while now, probably half an hour at least. It was the middle of Saturday afternoon, but it was dark down there. Not so dark that you can't see your own hand in front of your face, but dark enough to trick the mind into thinking it was the evening or morning, if you were down there long enough. Which he had been. It seemed that no one had noticed his absence, which he was glad of at this time. He had a lot on his mind and was trying to think and make sense of it all. He had made up his mind this morning when he got up that he'd ask Richard to hire Chris. He didn't expect Richard to be absolutely thrilled with the idea but he thought he'd be able to to put any doubts he had about the man and about his relationship with himself to rest, with a bit of persuasion. However, that was before this morning. He wasn't blind. He knew that Chris had some feelings for him, but he had been trying to ignore them, in order to prevent this very situation. He didn't want to lead Chris on; didn't want to give him false hope as he knew from too many past experiences how painful that could be. But thinking about it, he may have unintentionally given Chris something to hope for, even before he had kissed him back. That though was the biggest mistake. He didn't really know why he did it, and if he couldn't explain it to himself, then how on earth was he supposed to explain it to Richard? He had to tell him. He wished he could just leave that part out, or lie and say that he never kissed Chris back, but that was another annoying thing. Unlike most people both now and in his past, whom he would lie to without giving it a second thought if it made a situation easier, he couldn't lie to the person he loved. Besides, even if his conscience would allow him too, Richard knew him well enough to tell when he was lying. He hated the saying 'honesty is the best policy' as it has so often been wrong with him, but in this case, maybe it is.

...

It was late, the rain was hammering against the window, the wind howling outside, as if in warning. Thomas and Richard should have been heading to bed, but Thomas had felt peckish and was finishing off the left overs from Richard's tea. The light on the ceiling flickered above them. Thomas had eaten at Downton and hadn't left until around ten in the evening. He had been hanging back, probably trying to put off having that conversation with Richard. "Saw Chris this morning," Thomas began.

"I thought he left?" Richard asked, sitting down at the opposite end of the kitchen table.

"He was going to. He wanted to catch me before he left," Thomas said. "He wanted to thank us for last night."

"Oh, that was kind of him," Richard said, though there was something about his tone that made Thomas think that he'd rather not be talking about Chris.

"He isn't leaving for a few days actually. Things changed," Thomas said.

"What things?"

"Well, I asked him to stay for a few more days. I had something I wanted to run by you that I thought might be a good idea," Thomas said.

"He's not moving in if that's what you're thinking," Richard said.

"What? No! No of course not, but it does involve him being around here more," Thomas said.

"What do you mean?" Richard said, not sounding pleased which didn't bode well since Thomas hasn't even begun to explain things yet.

"Well, before Chris was arrested and lost everything, he used to work for this shop owner in York. He ran the financial side of the business and sometimes helped out with the rest of it-" Thomas said, though before he could say more Richard interrupted him.

"-No. I can't do that," Richard said, standing up.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," Thomas said, his voice raising a little.

"Yes I do. You want me to hire him right?" Richard asked.

"Yes, is that so much of a problem? You did talk about it, and he is perfectly qualified, and he will keep our secret," Thomas said.

"Yes but only because he is in love with you," Richard said back, loudly. "You spent a few hours with this man several years ago and now you think that means that he can become part of our lives?"

"No, I want to help him out as he has no one else. I feel bad for him, he tries to laugh it off but I can see that he’s scared. It could have easily been me in his situation," Thomas said, feeling frustration rising inside him. "It could have been you."

"It wouldn't have been me, as I wouldn't have been so stupid as to go to that place anyway," Richard said back, nearly shouting.

"What so you've never been to anywhere like that? I know you have, you've told me. So you can't say that," Thomas said, standing up. "And anyway, he doesn't love me. Thats stupid."

"Oh come on Thomas! Don't be so naive! He does love you, anyone can see it. Last night when you two were talking and laughing, I was watching you both, and he wouldn't take his eyes off you! It was as if I wasn't even in the room! So to think otherwise, makes you a fool."

Thomas paused for a few seconds, breathing quickly. He couldn't help himself, but he now had the instinctive need to defend himself. He hated being called that. "Alright! Fine! He has feelings for me, but I know this not from last night but from this morning. He said he had wanted to get to know me better when we first met. Oh and he kissed me!" Thomas shouted. "And guess what? I kissed him back!" he added, spitefully.

Richard was silent. He was just staring at him, and a part of Thomas instantly regretted telling him about the kiss like that. Like it was a weapon against him. That was not how he planned on approaching this. Thomas knew now that his plan to help Chris was ruined. But what else was? "What?" Richard said, his voice quiet. "Why?" Thomas couldn't ignore how hurt Richard looked.  _ Why did I have to say that?  _ Thomas thought to himself.

"I don't know," Thomas said.

"Seriously? You don't know," Richard said, bitterly.

"It meant nothing to me," Thomas said.

"Well it clearly meant something to him," Richard said, turning away from Thomas, running his hand through his hair, before turning back to face him. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

Thomas shrugged his shoulders. "Well I guess that's that then. My good intentions have messed everything up, again. Happens every time. I honestly don't know why I bother," he said, walking out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Richard asked.

"Out."

"You can't do that! It's late. It’s pouring down out there."

Thomas turned to face Richard. "Watch me!" he sneered, before walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Richard cursed to himself. He walked slowly over to the table, putting his hands on the surface, leaning over it, hanging his head. He looked up and saw the tea cup on the table, the one that Thomas had been drinking from. Empty, but still warm. "Fuck you!" he shouted as he threw it against the wall, where it smashed and shattered onto the floor in several pieces.


	12. 12

The next morning and Thomas, blurry eyed from having very little sleep, almost collided with Phyllis when he was leaving the bathroom. After he stormed out last night, he didn't really know what he was doing or where he was going. He just stood there for a while in the rain, feeling it soaking through his shirt and running through his hair and down his back. As a result, when his feet carried him in the direction of Downton, he was as drenched as he was the day he jumped into the river. He was grateful that the back door hadn't been locked. It should have been, but since his key was in his coat pocket back with Richard, then he didn't care. He probably deserved to be left out in the rain all night. He slept in his old room. He didn't have a change of clothes, since his dramatic exit wasn't exactly planned in advance, so stripped off completely and hoped they would dry themselves as much as possible. He didn't sleep much, he had grown so used to having Richard next to him, that now he noticed his own loneliness more, even though he had spent pretty much every night before these past few months, on his own. He hated himself for being so stupid. He shouldn't have told him about the kiss like that. He was sure that if he had told him in the way he intended, Richard would have at least listened. Also, every good intention he had, was judged too quickly. He felt angry with Richard. All he was trying to do was help someone out. But then his thoughts shifted and he became angry with himself again. It was so much easier when he knew who to blame. The thing is, he just didn't know how to fix this, or if he ever could. Overdramatic maybe, but he'd never been in a situation like this before. "Oh sorry, Mr Barrow. Didn't see you there," Phyllis said. "Is everything okay? You're here early." The dampness of his shirt was easily felt when he bumped into her. "Your shirt is wet Thomas, like it's been out in the rain all night." She looked up at his face, and she saw the familiar look of hopelessness on him, though not one she had seen recently.

"Nail on the head, Miss Baxter," Thomas said sadly, referring to his damp clothes.

"Were you here all night? What happened?" she asked, concerned.

"I was a fool apparently," Thomas said bitterly.

"You should go home and change, you'll catch a chill otherwise," she said.

"I can't go back now," Thomas said.

"Right," Phyllis said, wondering if he meant he couldn't because of the time, or wouldn't due to reasons unknown to her. "Well at least let me see if I can find you some dry clothes?"

"That will be appreciated, thank you," Thomas said, though little thanks filled his tone.

...

"Mr Barrow looked glum," Mrs Hughes remarked to Miss Baxter that morning after breakfast. "And tired too. Do you know if anything is wrong?"

"I think it might be. I'd go easy on him today, I think any little thing might cause him to fly off the handle I'm afraid," Miss Baxter said. "He was here all night."

"But I saw him go home last night," Mrs Hghes said.

"I think he came back here in the storm later last night. I think something happened between him and Mr Ellis," Miss Baxter explained worryingly.

"The weather was awful last night, must have been serious to have forced him out into that," Mrs Hughes replied. "It is none of our business of course, but if you can talk to him later maybe, then at least we can know if there is anything we can do to help. He might shut himself away like he used to, but if he is going to talk, then he will talk to you."

"Of course Mrs Hughes, I'll see what I can do."

...

"Mr Barrow can I talk to you," Phyllis said to Thomas as he came down the stairs later that afternoon.

"We're talking now," Thomas replied, without an ounce of friendliness.

"It's a private matter," she said. Thomas's expression still didn't change. "About you."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. I think I've said enough. I'll only ruin something else," Thomas answered, hating the sound of his own voice. He sounded weak. Vulnerable. He hated being vulnerable.

"I might be able to help though. I can't help if I don't know what has happened can I?" She persisted.

Thomas sighed. "Fine. Come with me, though I doubt you can do anything," Thomas said, walking into his office. She shut the door behind them, as Thomas collapsed into his chair. "Why do you insist on trying to help me?"

"Because I'm your friend," Phyllis answered simply. Thomas didn't reply to that, so hopefully he just accepted the fact.

"I was an idiot Phyllis. Had an idea to be nice. Backfired again, as it usually does with me," Thomas began, though he still hadn't really explained what was wrong to her.

"Are you and Richard okay?" She asked tentatively.

Thomas looked up in shock for a second, but didn't bother to hide anything about his relationship with Richard. "I'm not sure. We argued, I left last night. Now I'm not sure if I can ever face going back to him," Thomas said.

"Can I ask what you argued about? It's perfectly fine to argue with people you love you know. I'm sure there is not one couple on this earth that hasn't argued over something," she said.

"Yes but this was big. I said things that I didn't mean," Thomas began. He took a deep breath. "I can only tell you about what happened to start the argument if I can absolutely trust you not to tell a single soul this. It is partly my secret, but also because I can't explain what happened between us without spilling someone else's secrets too."

"I promise I won't tell anyone Thomas. You can trust me, you know that. Though I guess the 'someone else' isn't Richard?" Phyllis said.

"Right again," Thomas said. "Do you remember that I went to York with Richard, the evening the King and Queen came to stay?" Thomas started.

"How could I forget those mad few days? Of course," Phyllis said. "I was glad that you went with him. You two had a good time from what you've said in the past."

"Well we did, but it was a lot more eventful than that," Thomas said. "You see, Richard asked me to wait for him at a pub in York while he went to visit his parents who lived nearby. He was late, and I was left waiting there alone for a while." Thomas paused. Phyllis gave a nod of encouragement to go on. "Anyway after a considerable time had passed, this man came in and after a very brief conversation, I left with him. His name is Chris Webster. He took me to this place. It's hard to describe." Thomas stopped, and Phyllis noticed a smile flutter across his face, when he was caught up in a memory. "It was just men. Laughing, drinking, and dancing together. People like me. I'd never known anywhere like that even existed before he took me there. I shouldn't have left with him really, but we danced together for hours. I danced the tango with another man!"

"Is that why you argued with Richard, because you left without him?" Phyllis asked, she had no idea those places existed either, but she could imagine Thomas dancing. He was rather good.

"Oh no. Richard never held that against me. We barely knew each other. No I had to tell you this because of what happened after," Thomas said, the dreamy look wiped off his face as another memory replaced it.

"Chris and myself were having a wonderful time. Until the police showed up."

"Oh my!" Phyllis exclaimed.

"They took us all, called us things I'd rather not repeat. I spent a few hours in York police station, along with Chris and all the others. I thought that was it. Everything I had, or could have ever had, destroyed."

"But you were never charged? How did you get away?" Phyllis asked.

"Richard saved me," Thomas said. "I really do owe him everything. He followed me and saw the police push us all into the back of the van. He was brave. He walked right into the station, and basically used his position as valet to the King to get me out. He had to stoop to their level, and say a few things that he didn't mean, but he did what he had to do. He really was amazing." Phyllis felt rather moved by everything Thomas had told her so far. She knew what it felt like to be arrested and behind bars, but also by how much love and admiration there was in his voice for Mr Ellis. "The thing is, Chris and all the other's didn't have anyone to save them. I felt like I had abandoned them when I got out, and I have felt guilty ever since. I have always wanted to try and make things right but never had the opportunity. Not until a few days ago when I saw Chris in the village."

"He got out too?" Phyllis asked, before remembering that his was over four years ago so the chances were, he didn't.

"Eventually, but he served three years for his crime of dancing with me," Thomas said. "It wasn't like we were bad at dancing either," he added, trying to throw some humour into the conversation, but none such humour was reflected in his tone as he spoke. "He walks with a limp now, some bastards did that to him in prison. He had a decent job before, and he lost that. He's had nothing since. I suspect he hasn't been making any living entirely legally since. Anyway, I saw a chance to help him out and he stayed with Richard and I overnight, a couple of days ago."

"So Richard wasn't happy with him staying?"

"He wasn't but he didn't object either, but that wasn't why we argued. Chris was supposed to leave early the next morning but when I was walking up here I came across him. He was waiting for me. Before this, I came up with a more permanent way of helping him out and was trying to decide on whether to go through with it or not, so meeting him that morning made my mind up. Richard had talked about hiring someone to help out in the shop and with running the place and that is exactly what Chris used to do so he was perfect for the job. I suggested this to Chris and he wanted to accept the offer though of course, it was not my job to give. That had to come from Richard. But I was sure that I could persuade him," Thomas explained. "I knew Chris had feelings for me, but I thought he understood that mine belonged to Richard. I'm not angry for what Chris did, after so much loneliness I can understand why. I just don't know why I did it."

Phyllis was a little confused as Thomas wasn't explaining himself that well, though she could tell by the way he kept putting his hands on the table, then below it, that he was nervous. "I'm not sure I follow? What did he do?"

"He kissed me. Right there in the road. He has a feeling of confidence around him, even after everything that has happened to him. Maybe that rubbed off onto me," Thomas said. "But for a second, I kissed him back."

"And Richard found out?"

"I told him. I had to tell him, I'm not going to lie to him. But you see, I think he would have listened if I had told him in another manner. I spoke to him that evening about my idea about hiring Chris and he wasn't thrilled with the idea. I didn't expect him to be. I denied that Chris had feelings for me, he called me a fool and I got angry and lost my temper. I told him about the kiss but I used it to hurt him. I left and came here and you know the rest," Thomas said, hanging his head.

"Oh Thomas," Phyllis said, reaching over the desk and putting her hand on his.

"So now I can't help out Chris and I doubt Richard will want me back," Thomas said, deflated.

"So you don't think you can fix things with Richard?" Phyllis asked.

"I was hoping you'd have the answer to that. I'm not sure how too."

"Have you tried?"

"No. Apologies don't come easy to me," Thomas said.

"You made a mistake, but a single kiss is not worth losing a special relationship for. I would reckon also that he must be feeling bad too right now. You two have something special Thomas. Whether people like to see it or not, you do. This is something only you can fix but you should try, but if Richard needs time, then don't push him. As for Mr Webster, if you can find a way to help him without involving Richard then that would allow you to be a friend to him. But you may have to ask yourself if helping Chris in the way you have suggested is a good idea."

"So you think it was a bad idea?"

"No! It was a lovely idea. Your heart was in the right place Thomas. I'm just saying you don't want to have to choose between helping Chris and being with Richard."

Thomas was silent, thoughts flying around his mind again. "Thank you Phyllis. I'll try."

"Richard has a good heart, and he loves you. I'm sure you'll both be fine."

...

Thomas walked quietly through the side door into the small hallway at the bottom of the stairs. The kitchen was dark and for a moment he didn't think Richard was home which worried him. There were pieces of broken china on the floor that reflected what little light there was in the room. He had stayed at Downton for dinner, so he could have some more time to think. What Phyllis had suggested was just so simple he wondered if talking would be enough. He didn't want to have to choose between being a friend to Chris and being with Richard, but the choice was obvious if it came to it. But he really hoped it wouldn't turn out that way. But just hoping never solved anything, so he had to do something. He took off his coat and climbed the stairs. He was in his own clothes again now, as they had dried by the fire for most of the afternoon just gone. Richard wasn't in the living room but the bedroom light was on. Richard was sitting on his own side of the bed, facing the window, his back to Thomas. He spoke without turning around. "You came back then."

"Of course," Thomas didn't move from standing by the open door as if any movement would shatter them both. "You thought I wouldn't?"

"I thought you may have found better company. Or maybe his company was what you wanted," Richard said. He still sounded angry. And he still hasn't turned around.

"What? Who's company?" Thomas asked, momentarily confused until he realised. "You thought I was with Chris?"

"Not sure where else you'd go. Seemed the obvious conclusion."

"I wasn't with him. Or anyone, Richard. I went to Downton. I spent a miserable night in my old room, alone." Richard turned to look at him and Thomas found himself released from the spot he had been standing on by the door. He walked over slowly, and sat next to Richard on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry it's just-" Richard found himself in a rare situation for him, where he didn't know what to say. "I don't know what I think. I was angry when you left, couldn't understand why you couldn't see what I could, except of course you did know. I didn't want you around right then, didn't really care where you went. But then as the hours grew on and I lay awake here, I found myself wondering if you were okay. I was worried you did something stupid; it was stormy outside and I was seriously thinking about going out there to find you. Then I thought that maybe you went to see him and maybe it was best I didn't find you."

Thomas wasn't sure if he was ready for such honesty, but it meant that Richard actually looked at him for the first time in the time he'd been back, so it was something. They were talking. Maybe this is what they need after all. "I'm sorry for what I did. I don't know why I kissed him back, but like I said before it didn't mean anything to me. I can't expect Chris to turn off any feelings he has for me, I know from past experiences that it doesn't work that way,” Thomas said, Jimmy flashing across his mind. “But I would only like to think of him as a friend." Thomas got up and closed the curtains at the window and dimmed the light in the room, as it was dark outside and they would be lacking privacy otherwise. When he sat down again, he sat closer to Richard, so they were almost touching. "Chris showed me a glimpse of what is possible, but it feels like I wasn't even there sometimes, like it was a dream. Dreams are nice but they are over before you know it. What we have here is real. The only person in this world I love is you. I'll find another way to help Chris out."

"And do you have one?" Richard asked.

"No, but I'll think of something."

Richard put his hand on Thomas's knee and looked into his eyes. "I'll do it," Richard said.

"What?"

"I'll hire him. You really want to help him, I can see that now."

"Richard, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this for me. You are the one who will be spending most of your time with him. If you don't even like him, then that's not fair on you."

"I never said I didn't like him. But now I understand things more, and I've had time to think I reckon I could like him. You wanted to do the decent thing and I punished you for it. I'm sorry."

"I didn't help things though. I said things I didn't mean," Thomas said.

"But like I said, I've had time to think and you were right. It could have easily been you or me in his situation and I know if it were me, that I would hope that someone would be kind enough to help me out. Not many people would and we all have to stick together, people like us. I can't be sure that he will still want the job, it wouldn't be easy being around someone he loves who doesn't love him back, but I'll ask," Richard said. He hoped that this was the right thing to do, but judging by the way Thomas's face lit up after he explained, it must have been.

"You're perfect, thank you," Thomas said, leaning closer to him.

"And I'm sorry for calling you a fool. That was wrong, as you are the smartest person I know," Richard said.

"Doesn't say much for the people you know does it?" Thomas said, causing them both to chuckle a little.

"I'm just glad you came back and that you don't hate me. I was scared that you wouldn't come back," Richard said. He looked away and Thomas saw why as a tear escaped his eye and fell onto his leg. Richard was not one to appear vulnerable, even to him.

"I had no choice in the matter since I love you," Thomas said, turning Richard's face towards him and kissing him gently.

Richard leaned into him and closed his eyes. "Lie down with me?" he asked, taking Thomas's hand. Without answering the shuffled around so that they were on the bed properly and lying next to each other. They kissed again, both snuggling closer to each other. "Your shirt smells of fireplace smoke," Richard said as his lips found their way to Thomas's neck.

"They got rather wet last night in the rain. Had to be dried by the fire for most of the day," Thomas said softly. Despite the fact that it was a cold evening and they weren't under the covers, he felt warmer already. "We should get a drink from downstairs before bed, don't you think?

"In a bit. I'm rather happy here at the moment," Richard said. "You'll stay?"

"Always," Thomas answered, unsure as to whether Richard was referring to fetching some tea or something else.


	13. 13

It was Tuesday lunchtime and Richard had decided to shut the shop for an hour at lunch to allow himself time to talk to Chris. He had made up his mind after Thomas had returned to him that he would offer the job to Chris, despite still having a few concerns. He hoped that this was the right thing to do. He felt that it was, when Thomas smiled after saying he'd hire Chris, but doubt always had a way of lingering unwanted. It seemed though that Chris Webster was a tricky man to find, he had no idea where he was staying and no idea where he might go during the day. He had been wandering around the village hoping to just bump into him, and after a while he was beginning to wonder if Chris had left Downton altogether.

Eventually though he saw him across the street near the village green, standing below a tree lighting up a cigarette.  _ That will have to stop,  _ Richard thought. He didn't even let Thomas smoke inside their flat or the shop, the smell would cling to everything, including the books which he couldn't allow. Thomas didn't smoke that much these days anyway though, he only ever tended to when he was nervous and in need of a distraction. As he crossed the road, he tried to ignore the fact that the cigarette smoke wafting across the road towards him, smelt the same as the ones Thomas smokes sometimes.  _ A coincidence, nothing more,  _ he thought. Chris still hadn't looked up in his direction. If he had noticed him, he was ignoring him. "Mr Webster," Richard said, as he neared the man on the other side of the road. "I was wondering if we could talk?"

Chris didn't answer straight away, he took another few puffs on the cigarette in his mouth before letting it fall to the ground and crushing it underneath his shoe. "Seems we are talking now," he replied. He didn't seem happy to see Richard, nor in the mood for talking, but Richard had to get back to the shop soon so this was his window of opportunity.

Richard motioned for Chris to walk with him, it was best that they could go somewhere that they wouldn't be overheard just in case either of them said anything they wouldn't want just anybody to know, and soon they found themselves in the churchyard of all places. "Thomas spoke to you a few days ago about a job offer," Richard began.

"Yes," Chris said.  _ How could I forget?  _ he added in his mind. "Though not one that was his to give."

"No. But I am offering it to you now," Richard said. Chris's tone was rather prickly still. "It's yours if you will accept it."

"Right," Chris said, not seeming to be able to look Richard in the eye. He looked troubled.

"You don't sound keen," Richard said.

"It's not that. I reckon that you don't know what happened between Thomas and myself when he told me about his idea. If you did, I doubt you would be standing here asking me this. Thomas said he would tell you, though I guess he changed his mind," Chris said, only glancing at Richard before looking away again. For a man who seemed so full of confidence a few days ago, he was looking uncharacteristically nervous.

"No Thomas told me everything that happened. I know," Richard said, without a smile, his voice sounding firm.

"And you are still here. Well, you're a better man than I, Mr Ellis," Chris said. "Did Thomas ask you to do this? Are you only doing this because of him?"

"No. He did ask me, but it is my business so I wouldn't hire someone who I didn't think was suitable," Richard said, taking a breath before continuing. "Look Mr Webster, I will be perfectly honest with you here. A few days ago I was perfectly happy if I never saw or heard from you again. I was quite happy to see the back of you for good, but I have had a great deal of time to think since then and I came to realise a few things." Chris looked at Richard now, not expecting him to be that honest. "As much as it annoys me, you are the perfect candidate for the job. You have the experience and the knowledge and also because yourself, Thomas and I are alike, I feel that we can count on your loyalty." Chris didn't reply straight away, he looked at Richard in a way that made Richard feel like he was being read, as if Chris was making sure this wasn't some sort of elaborate trick. "If you accept this offer Mr Webster, then I promise you a decent wage, a job where you will feel respected, and that I won't ask where you are going or who you are seeing if you don’t want me to know," Richard added, hoping to give the man more confidence in him. "All I ask for is your discretion with regard to Thomas and myself, and your loyalty. We will of course offer you the same."

"Right," Chris said, looking away again, his posture indicating he was deep in thought. They had stopped walking now and were standing around the side of the church, below the bell tower. Chris had to admit he was taken aback by Richard's bluntless, but it was that very reason why he felt inclined to listen and consider, despite the difficulties between them of late. He was so used to hearing people say what they thought he wanted to hear; it was refreshing to hear the truth.

"If you need some time to think things over, then I understand. Just come and find me in a few days with your answer," Richard said, with the intention of leaving Chris to his thoughts.

"There will be no need for that Mr Ellis," Chris said. "I am not in a position to turn my nose up at such an offer. If my mother gave a damn about me then she would call me a fool for refusing it." Richard smiled a little, which seemed to in turn, relax Chris a little too. "Forgive me for being harsh, I don't find it easy to trust people anymore, and I appreciate your honesty even if it was unexpected."

"That is understandable. You hardly know me, it was wrong of me to expect you to just trust me. So do I take that as a yes?" Richard asked.

Chris paused. "It is," he said. He looked up at the sky, pausing again in thought. "Thomas is a lucky man, Mr Ellis. You have a much more forgiving nature than I would have ever expected."

"Well I suppose you should start to call me Richard," Richard said, offering his hand to Chris, which he shook.

"And I suppose that since we are to be spending a good deal of time together that we should make an effort to at least try to get along," Chris said, a small grin forming on his face.

"It would help things, yes. Nothing worse than working with people you don't like. Trust me, I would know," Richard said, but with a smile.

"I think we can agree on that, Richard," Chris said. They both turned to walk back down the path that led out of the churchyard.

"There is one other thing," Richard said, as they walked away from the church. "Since you are a friend of Thomas, you and I are in the same boat when it comes to Downton Abbey."

"Oh? In what way?" Chris asked.

Richard smiled. "Well the Downton staff are unlike any staff of big houses that I have ever come across before, but in a good way. They are like family and Thomas is part of that family. Therefore, like myself, you will find yourself invited up to Downton for Christmas dinner and such. I thought it only fair to warn you just in case that is something you'd rather avoid, then you could have time to plan an excuse."

"I haven't been invited to any Christmas meals or celebrations for a very long time. If I am welcome then I would like to be part of it. I've grown too used to only having myself to rely on," Chris said. "Do you know how welcoming they would be to us lot?"

Richard understood what Chris was referring to immediately. "No need to worry there, they are good people. You will be welcome. Besides, one thing I have learnt about Thomas whilst knowing him is this. If you are his friend then you will know no one more loyal or willing to protect you. And if you are his enemy or if you hurt people he cares about, then he will take great pleasure in taking revenge. His actions aren't always the most thought through, but he always has the best intentions."

"That sounds exactly like him," Chris said, fondly. "Best I don't get on his bad side then."

They both chuckled a little.  _ I don't think for you, it is possible to be on his bad side,  _ Richard thought. "Well, he doesn't have need to use his bad side so much these days thankfully," Richard said.

...

At Downton later that same evening, and Thomas was having a moment or two to himself, relaxing in his favourite chair in the servants hall. It was pouring with rain outside and so he was reluctant to head home right away. He was hoping if he waited a bit, it might stop or at least calm down, but as it often was in October, the rain decided to be inconveniently relentless. He had resigned himself to a very wet walk home, but at least he knew a warm welcome awaited him. He was sitting alone, the only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the rain on the window. He wasn't sure where everyone else was, most of them had probably gone home for the night already, deciding to brave the weather. He could guess where Stephen was, he was a keen reader and would be where he always was this time of the evening, in his room reading the latest book he'd borrowed from Richard's shop. He was one of Richard's most frequent customers. He sighed and took another sip of his tea. He didn't mind it when he had the company of the others, but also took no shame in the fact that he enjoyed being on his own sometimes. He glanced at the clock and decided he'd read a little more before leaving for home. He picked up the book next to him,  _ 'Lord Arthur Savile's Crime and Other Stories'  _ by Oscar Wilde. Richard had quite a few of Wilde's stories and novels in his shop, this one though, was his. Richard gave it to him. He had been reading only a few minutes when Phyllis came downstairs and into the room. "Oh, I was wondering why the light was still on in here. It's late Mr Barrow, you should be getting back," she said. "How are things between Richard and yourself?"

"Things are a lot better thanks. I have a lot to thank you for in that regard," Thomas said.

"And Chris? What's happening with him?" she asked.

"I think Richard is going to try to work something out with him. It's just a question of whether Chris will want to stay still," Thomas said, finishing his tea and getting up out of his chair. He decided to leave the book in a drawer on his desk. Taking it home in this weather would ruin it, even if he stuck it in his inside coat pocket.

"Of course, well I hope things work out for him. You will let him know he is welcome here too won't you? I reckon he could do with a few friends," she said kindly.

"I will if things work out that way. You're a good person Miss Baxter. Not sure why you put up with me," Thomas said with a grin.

Phyllis decided not to reply to that as she knew that Thomas already knew the answer to that indirect question. "I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight Mr Barrow," she said, going upstairs again.

...

After putting his book away, slipping a leather bookmark in between the pages so he could finish it tomorrow, Thomas put on his coat and buttoned it up fully, in preparation for the rain outside. He was just slipping on his gloves near the back door before opening it, when the door opened for him. Thomas was both surprised and happy to see Richard standing in the doorway. "Richard! What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Thomas asked.

"Seems I caught you just in time Mr Barrow, and yes everything is fine. I just thought I'd come up and meet you," Richard said, his handsome smile lighting up his face.

"In this weather?" Thomas said, raising his eyebrows in query. "You must be mad."

"I think I might be, Mr Barrow. Mad for you anyway," Richard said, making Thomas feel all soft inside all of a sudden.

"I was thinking how soaked you were going to get walking back so I thought I'd come up here and fetch you. I wish I had a car to drive you back in but I suppose this will have to do," Richard said, holding up the umbrella, folded up and hooked over his right arm, that Thomas hadn't noticed until now. "Big enough for the two of us I reckon."

It was indeed big enough for the both of them, especially if they stayed close to each other, which was a condition that neither man had a problem with. Thomas was glad then that despite the rain being very heavy still, that there was hardly any wind. An umbrella in even the slightest breeze was completely useless and only served to make the user look like a total idiot. "I talked to Chris today," Richard said as they walked down Downton's long driveway. "Offered him the job."

"What did he say?" Thomas said, a flutter of nerves rushing over him.

"He accepted. Not straight away, I think it took a bit of time for him to believe that I wasn't trying to pull a cruel prank on him. We had a rather honest conversation at the time, you see. He wasn't sure if he could trust me. I suppose after the events of the past few days, that I should say are forgiven and in the past, it isn't surprising if he didn't trust me," Richard said.

"I'm glad he accepted, but does he trust you now?" Thomas asked.

"I think he does, or at least enough to allow us to work on that," Richard said.

"Do you trust him?" Thomas asked.

"Funnily enough I do. In a few ways, he reminds me of you," Richard said.

"Oh," Thomas said.

"I mean that as a compliment," Richard said, calming any unease in Thomas's voice.

"Well I hope you two will be able to get on well. Maybe even as friends?" Thomas asked.

"I think we have started with that too," Richard said. They were out in the open now, and the wind was now a bit more noticeable, it caught Richard by surprise causing the umbrella to fold back on itself. "I suppose that was inevitable," he said, as they both eventually pushed the umbrella back into its correct shape, getting sprayed with raindrops it had collected, in the process. Richard angled the umbrella into the wind this time in order to prevent another mishap, and as he was adjusting the handle of the umbrella into a more comfortable position in his hand, Thomas glanced around them both, before kissing Richard tenderly on the lips, his gloved hand around the back of Richard's neck. Richard looked a bit surprised. "What was that for?"

"Because you are faultless," Thomas breathed. "And because I wanted too." Richard had every intention of kissing Thomas back, but just before he intended to do just that, another gust of wind, caught the umbrella again.

"We should get back. Then we can continue this in a warmer setting," Richard said, as they continued their walk back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one. 
> 
> I will start on uploading the next stories soon. There will be a few one shots and then another longer multi chapter story.


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